Alive

I love the way she smiles
She calms me, like the sound of the waves crashing on the beach
When I'm around her, time stands still
Her eyes lock on mine...
So powerful, yet so compassionate
She makes me feel alive
Not much life in a small town such as this
She changed all of that, she changed me
What seemed like a long time, wasn't long enough
For now she's gone
A connection was felt, if even for a moment
Have to respect the rules of the game
Her availability was naught
She awoke something inside of me,
Something that I have missed
She distracted me from the dismal surroundings that which encompass me
She gave me something to look forward to
Her face would light up whenever she laughed
I could always make her laugh
I couldn't get enough of it
I long to talk to her, to hear her voice
I hope that we haven't seen the last of one another
No expectations
Just a man looking to feel alive once again
In the presence of her.

Waiting

As I glance at her, my ears fall deaf to the surrounding world around me
I am enamored by her.
Her smile sweeps me into a gentle calm,
I wait for her there.
Some women bring the best out in people,
She is one of those women.
Her presence is undeniable,
Her smile, impossible to ignore.
So close, yet so far.
I long for things that many take for granted.
The first time eyes meet after a first kiss,
The first time eyes speak more than words,
The first time her head rests on my shoulders,
The first time a kiss on her forehead says that you adore her,
And the first time that you realize that she feels the same way that you do.
She is proof that God exists.
She is proof that I know so very little regarding the world around me.
I wish that she could see me.
See me for who I really am.
However, my presence is belittled by hers.
I blend in while she stands out.
My smile is welcomed,
Her smile is contagious.
So, I remain in this gentle calm,
Waiting for her.

What Does It Mean?

Shots ring out all around me...I'm lost.
Like a lost child in a mall or a grocery store.
I scream out for help, but nobody answers.
I swore an oath and I will uphold that oath, but at what cost?
I will defend my country...I will give my life.
However, am I defending my country or am I aiding in the invasion of another?
The "enemies" around me are shooting; however, I understand why they do it.
I'd do the same thing if I were in their position.
For some, family and country are the only important things in life.
If my actions and the actions of my fellow countrymen killed their family...country is all they have to cling on to.
People in other parts of the world have different perspectives on life.
We can all learn from them, as they can from us.
Many do not have what I have or live the life that I do.
Are they wrong for being different?
Is this a "justifiable" war?
I could be at home playing catch with my father right before supper.
I could be in school right now learning how to make this world a better place.
Am I making the world a better place now?
Can the world be improved peacefully or must force be used?
I miss my family...oh, how I long to laugh with them and to eat a home cooked meal with them.
My Dad understood why I enlisted, but my Mother can't come to grips with it.
They wanted me to go to college, but I wanted to see the world.
I wanted to help other people out and to serve my country.
However, who am I serving now?

Getting Older

Getting older in life is inevitable. Some people enjoy it and some people don't. For those of us that had great childhoods, it tends to be a downer the older we get. My late teens and lower to mid-twenties were some of the best times in my life. I traveled, I had amazing friends, I met some amazing women, I stayed in great shape, and I had loads of fun at parties. However, as I have aged my friends have moved away, staying in shape has become more difficult, and the parties that I enjoy get smaller and smaller.
I've accepted getting older. We can't control it and it's on each and every one of us to make the best of it. Life is like a poker hand...you have to make the best out of the hand that you've been dealt. It's easier to accept because of its inevitability, but that doesn't mean that it's easy. I have had to deal with the biggest changes in my life alone. I still have my good friends, my family, and all of the wonderful people in my life, but I'm not around them while all of this is going on.
Currently, I work for Project Vote Smart in Philipsburg, MT. I couldn't have asked for a better job after graduating. It's in the mix, it's always changing and challenging, and everyday is like being in a political lecture. However, I feel alone out here. I have a great friend and roommate, but I just miss the comfort of being around the people that have been around me most of my life. They know me in ways that nobody else will. They know where I've come from, where I've been, and how much I have changed. I know that a lot of people have to deal with situations like this, but it hasn't necessarily been easy for me.
I enjoy being alone at times. I mean, who wouldn't want to come home from work, eat some dinner, read a book, and go to bed? I know a lot of parents out there would love to do that on a daily basis. However, too much of a great thing is never good.
While growing up it was obvious that I enjoyed being the center of attention. I was the oldest of three boys and I always enjoyed being the smartest and funniest person in a group of people. I liked the spotlight. In fact, I still do. However, the older I get, the harder it becomes to regain that spotlight.
I guess that I just miss the days when I would be surrounded by people that knew me and that understood me. I would never have to explain myself or what I did and why. They just knew. There was a sense of comfort in that. We'd play football games on Thanksgiving and on Super Bowl Sunday and we would do things that normal friends would normally do. However, along the lines, we all grew up and, sadly, grew apart.
We all graduated college, found great jobs, and went our separate ways. As much as I miss it now, I'm glad that we have those memories to think back and reflect upon. We, truly, had a great time together. As far apart as we are now, it'll be the great times that will always bring us together.
Next weekend will be one of these moments. My buddy, George, will be married to his future-wife, Tricia, next weekend. I still remember the day that he told me about their first date. He was in love. I never thought that that situation would escalate to marriage. It's amazing. Of all the people that I know, George and Tricia are happy and they're great together. I've never been happier for two amazing people in my entire life. I love them both.
Maybe it's the fact that my brother and my best friend are moving on to the next stage in their life and getting married. And I'm still here trying to figure it all out. I know that things wouldn't be like this if I were back home or living in a more populated area. Montana is great for some people, but for me, it's only good for a moment.
If I were retired, Montana would be a great place to live and spend the rest of my days. However, I like being around people...particularly people that I'm close with. None of that exists out here and every day that I spend here is another day that I spend away from the people that make me who I am.
I don't believe that people are content with being alone or living in solitude. I think that human contact is something that keeps us sane, something that we all need from time to time. Living out here has made me realize the kind of person that I am.
I'm the kind of guy that loves to go to baseball games, play with his nephew, have a Saturday afternoon coffee with a close friend, watch football at my friend's house on a Sunday morning, have a conversation with my Mom, and spend a Sunday afternoon working on cars with his Dad. That's me. I'm not the kind of guy that is content with sitting around his apartment during the weekend reading and working out. That's not me.
This trip has made me realize a lot about myself. I've learned that Montana is a great place to live, but, at least right now, it's just not for me. As much as people desire time for themselves, I desire time together with those I love. I'm not incapable of living alone; I just know what I want. And what I want, is simple: I want to be myself around those that make me who I am.

Someone Has to Pay

I have seen a surge of students from a few different states arguing about the cost of out-of-state tuition. Do these students live outside of that particular state? No. You may now be asking, "Why aren't they paying in-state tuition?" Well, these students are undocumented. Simply put, the parents of these students immigrated to the United States illegally. I have read that the students are saying, "Why do we have to pay for our parents' mistakes?" My answer is simple: somebody always has to pay.
By allowing the children of illegal immigrants the same rights as the children of parents that obey the law is simply wrong. Look, I'm sorry that you're having to pay for your parents' mistakes, but a line needs to be drawn somewhere.
Immigration is tough issue to tackle. For one, a lot of my friends throughout my life have been the children of illegal immigrants. Two, I think that the influence of other cultures in American culture is extremely beneficial. However, someone needs to put their foot down and enforce the laws that have been put into place. I'm not trying to purposely pick on a particular ethnicity or anything like that. I'm simply trying to address the issue and present a possible solution.
As a Native American, I understand the effects of immigration. I've read Noam Chomsky, Vine Deloria Jr., and Howard Zinn. There comes a time when complaining about something gets in the way of moving on and improving the situation. Times have changed and there are certain laws that exist and we have the proper officials to enforce those laws.
One of the reasons that this problem exists is due to the 1982 Plyler vs. Doe case. The outcome of this case found that public schools were prohibited from refusing students access to a public education regardless of whether they were documented or undocumented. Whether their parents were here legally or illegally. The Court stated that undocumented children have the same right to a free public education as U.S. citizens and permanent residents. Does anyone see a problem with this?
A public education is funded by taxpayer dollars. Why should taxpayers pay for the children of illegal immigrants to go to school? Again, I realize that immigrant parents just want to provide a better life for their children. However, does coming to the United States illegally present children with a moral demonstration on the difference between right and wrong? Other countries may not have immigration laws like the United States, but that's just it...we're the United States. If we want the best for our children and to set the best examples, allowing this problem to continue is only doing more harm than good.
What kind of example does this provide other immigrants wishing to come to the United States legally? It shows them that they could continue to pursue the same time-consuming process of coming to the United States legally or they could risk coming here illegally and enjoying the benefits of living in the greatest country in the world and have everyone else pay for their children's education.
Here are a number of observations:
1. The Plyler vs. Doe decision has done irreparable damage to this country and its public education system. Giving illegal immigrants incentive for staying in the United States is one of the major problems with this issue.
2. If you are a high school student wishing to go to college and your parents came to the United States illegally...you're going to have to pay the price.
3. The benefits that American citizens enjoy shall be denied to those coming to this country illegally.
4. The longer we wait to fix this problem, the larger the resistance will be.
5. The United States is open to all people. If people just followed the rules, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

What I'm suggesting should not be that difficult to follow through with. We need to think about the message that this sends to the rest of the world and immigrants wishing to come to the United States via legal means.
In regards to the college tuition issue: students that are here because their parents brought them here illegally will just have to face the consequences of their parents' actions. I'd be open to having their parents obtain legal citizenship through a hefty fine, a citizenship test, and they must return to their country of origin for one calendar year.
The only reason that there are so many people not in favor of this stance is because we have allowed the issue to escalate to the point that it has. The sooner that it is addressed, the easier it will be to fix.

Я тебя люблю

Every single thing that I do reminds me of you,
You were everything to me,
You would make me smile when no one else could,
Your touch was so comforting,
I miss it,
I miss everything about you,
I miss the way you looked at me in the morning from the other side of the bed,
I miss the way you laughed,
I miss being there for you,
I miss seeing the world through your eyes,
I wish that things were different, I really do,
However, I know that you're happy,
And I would never jeopardize that,
The pain that I feel now is a consequence of my actions,
Or in reality, my inactions,
I abandoned you when you needed me most,
And I did it for selfish reasons,
I did it because I was scared,
I just remember that you were always there,
You were always there for me,
And I never returned the favor,
I never deserved you,
I never deserved your love,
Sometimes it takes a while for man to realize what he has truly done,
He pushed away the love of his life.
There are so many things that I miss about you,
I miss the way you threw your leg over mine at night,
I miss the way you'd laugh when I tickled you,
I miss seeing you driving away,
Knowing that I'd see you again very soon,
I miss how you gave me everything,
You were my everything.
I sit here, again, early in the morning,
Knowing that you're laughing with someone else,
Knowing that you're someone else's everything,
Knowing that you have someone else in your heart,
Knowing that I'm all the way out here, all alone,
No other woman made me feel the way that you did,
No other woman loved me the way that you did,
No other woman touched me the way that you did,
To know that you're gone...is a hard concept to grasp,
It may have been a few years ago,
But it still stings,
Because when you realize what you had is really gone,
It's hard to cope,
It's hard to feel the way that you did when you were with her.
What made her so perfect?
Her imperfections,
Her ability to love,
Her smile,
Her wonderful heart,
The light in her eyes when she laughed,
The way I felt when she said, "I love you, Matt."
I wish that I could get one more chance.
One more chance to show her that I made a mistake,
Another chance to show her that I know what went wrong,
Another chance to treat her the way that she deserves to be treated,
Another chance to feel the joy that we both felt while we were together.
I miss you so very much.
I miss all of the things that only I knew about.
No other woman in my life made me feel the way that you did.
You are amazing,
And I've known that for quite some time,
I've known how truly wonderful you really are,
How amazing your life story is,
How much I want you in my life.
I know that I have apologized,
But words cannot express how truly sorry I am for what I've done.
So, there are some things that I'd like you to know:
I miss waking up next to you,
I miss how soft your lips were,
I miss how natural and beautiful you are,
I miss how much I missed you whenever you drove home,
I miss how happy we were together,
I miss making you smile,
I miss thinking of creative ways to show you how much I loved you,
I miss your beautiful voice and how you sung like no other person I know.
But most of all,
I miss you.
For the things that I forgot to mention,
And for the things that I could continually add,
You are still an amazing woman, to me.
It was hard for me to be around you because I felt this way.
However, I now know how to explain my feelings through words.
I miss you.
So very much.
I love you,
And I wish that you were back in my life.
Я тебя люблю.

2009: A Bittersweet Year

The year 2009 rang in with cheers and great expectations. I was at the Showbox SoDo taking in a great show by Ghostland Observatory with my friends and spending the night in a nice hotel in Seattle. As the clock struck midnight...I was in a toilet stall. I've never had the stomach for hard liquor and this night certainly etched that fact in stone. It was a time to celebrate and to do things not normally done. I did exactly that and ended up having too many shots of Patron.

After the show, finding a cab in Seattle on New Years was next to impossible. We were unable to find a cab and decided to walk the 2.83 miles in the rain back to our hotel room. People were surprised that we had actually walked that far and not hailed a cab. We probably could have, but we just put our heads down and hoofed it. 2009 started off in good company, but with mixed results. As the year comes to a close I remember the ups and downs that were, in fact, 2009.

I became the first person in my family to graduate from a university. The University of Washington graduation commencement in June was one of the best days of my life. I had given up on ever going back to school when I was 22 and I never saw myself graduating from college. However, there I was. Standing there amongst the other graduates with high hopes and my eyes set on my future. I was ready to take on the world. However, I still had to take a 5 credit class during the summer because I had dropped Arabic a quarter earlier. Taking a class AFTER already graduating was one of the toughest things that I ever had to do. It's like taking $100 payment for a job that you're supposed to do, spending it, and doing that job after all of the excitement had already run out.

I worked during the summer months and moved back home with my Dad at the end of August. As of right now, I will have been living at my Dad's for nearly four months. Four months without a job. Four months of getting turned down for job after job and having my most desired job follow suit. I even got turned down for "safety jobs". I had graduated in June feeling on top of the world and by the middle of November, I had hit one of the lowest points in my life.

I started looking for jobs that didn't require me to have a degree. A degree in which I quit a $27/hr desk job to pursue. A lot of people thought that leaving a job making that much money was a very risky choice. However, deep down inside, I knew that this was the right decision to make. I owed it to myself, my parents, my friends, and my Grandfather. I had promised him that I would go back and finish school.

During spring break, I got the opportunity to visit our nation's capital, Washington, DC. I went to visit my friend Seth and his girlfriend Erica at their place in Glen Burnie, MD. I got to visit Baltimore and Washington, DC. I wish that we could have spent more time in DC, but to have actually been there was a dream come true. I'm a political junkie and to stand at the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument, and the White House was truly breathtaking. It was a trip that I will never forget.

As I sit and write this, I now have a job waiting for me in Philipsburg, Montana. It's a political research position with Vote Smart. This job allows me to live a simple life, pay my bills, and gain valuable experience in managing an organization and working in politics. It was the one job that I really felt a connection with because I believe in everything that the organization stands for. I'm really looking forward to starting my career.

The next two years of my life look full. Unlike the four months at my Dad's house, I know what the future holds for me. I'll be going to two bachelor parties and two weddings in the summer of 2010, I'll be home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years, and I'll be within driving distance of home. I'm afraid to leave my nephew and I hope that things improve. If I had gotten a well-paying job in Washington, I would have considered adopting him. My Mom needs to start living her life, Tyler needs the love that I can give him, and my family needs to continue to grow together and heal old wounds. I feel that me leaving will only make the situation worse. However, I have to live with that and help out as often as I can. It may not work out in the end, but I can't allow myself to drift too far from my goals. I need to start thinking about my future, my career, and whether or not getting married and having kids are in the cards for me.

As 2009 comes to a close, I'm glad to see it go. It has been one of the most memorable and forgettable years of my life. I fulfilled a life-long goal of graduating from one of the best colleges in the world, I visited Washington, DC, and I spent four months living on practically nothing and without work. This year closes out on a high note: I was on top of the world, I endured the toughest four months of my life, and I have a political job waiting for me. I'll be living in another state for the first time in my life, living in the mountains, getting paid doing what I love, and creating new relationships. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that it's all up to me.

Let's close 2009 and remember to reflect upon it from time to time. Note to self: Always remember the feeling of shaking President Emmert's hand at your commencement; achieving your goal of becoming a college graduate; sitting in the middle of Husky Stadium; living in your Dad's basement for four months; struggling everyday to find a job in the middle of the worst economic recession since the Great Depression; and ACTUALLY finding a job doing what you love. Remember the high moments and remember the low. 2010 will shape you for years to come. You have endured a lot pursuing your passions and you came out clean on the other side...just like Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption.

You did it, Matthew. Now...on to the next chapter in your life.

Venting Session: Food Stamps

We've all seen it and we've all thought the same thing: "Are these people using MY tax dollars to purchase junk food"? That's right, junk food. Cases of Coca-Cola, bags of Cheetos, gallons of ice cream, bags of popsicles, Snickers candy bars, packs of gum, etc. The sight of needy people purchasing garbage that does very little for their health and little to satisfy their hunger makes me sick to my stomach. I have no problem providing some of my tax dollars to assist those in need. Food is a necessity; however, some people don't know how to properly satisfy this particular need. I've thought about this and I have come up with ways to improve the current system. They are as follows:

1) All food stamp recipients must take a number of classes and pass a number of tests prior to receiving food stamp benefits. Each recipient must take a class on exactly where tax dollars come from and how they're generated (state, federal, city, property, sales, etc.), who pays them, and where they go after they are collected. They must also take a class about personal health and the benefits of eating healthy. They will learn recipes, proper cooking techniques, and how to stretch their financial resources. After these prerequisites are fulfilled, the recipient-hopeful must take tests that will demonstrate how well each person paid attention. These tests will be extremely difficult. This will ensure that the classes didn't go for naught and that these recipients understand how precious food stamp benefits truly are. If they fail, they must take the classes all over again. Food stamps will no longer be provided to people showing no initiative towards improving themselves, their families, and/or their situation. If you don't care, neither do we. Exceptions will be made for those with serious mental/physical disabilities.

2) Food stamp recipients will no longer be receiving "cash balances" on their EBT card. They will be provided electronic vouchers that will be good for the purchase of fruits, vegetables, low-fat meats, and other foods not containing high fructose corn syrup. Additional credits/vouchers will be provided for individuals that get their fruits and vegetables from local farmers at weekly farmer's markets. Individuals redeeming their electronic vouchers at a local farmer's market will be able to purchase more fruits and vegetables than if they were to redeem them at a grocery store. Additional credits will also be available for individuals redeeming their vouchers at locally owned (non-chain) grocery stores. This will support local businesses and encourage them to shop at these locations.

3) Men raising children on their own, will receive more benefits than a woman raising children on her own. This will encourage more men to take responsibility for their children. Men and women MUST provide the names of the parental figures prior to receiving benefits. This will also apply to married couples and couples with children living in the same household.

4) The vouchers will only be able to be redeemed by the cardholder and ID must be checked each and every time a voucher is redeemed. Children will no longer be able to come into the grocery store and purchase junk food on their mother's EBT card. This will also make the cardholder and food stamp recipient more responsible.

5) Papa Murphy's Pizza will NO LONGER be able to receive payment via food stamps and/or EBT. A pizza is a luxury item and shouldn't be available to individuals not willing to pay for it themselves.

6) Food stamp benefits/vouchers will decrease as the number of children increase. A set amount will be provided for a mother/father and his/her child. If the mother/father have another child, the total number of benefits will increase, but only slightly. This will discourage food stamp recipients from having children that they cannot financially support. Having a child is a responsibility. If one cannot provide for their person, they shouldn't be having children.

I'm not writing this with a sour taste in my mouth. I'm writing this in hopes of creating a system that teaches people to care for themselves and the lives that they create. I believe that people learn from the consequences of their actions. Failure to learn from one's mistakes speaks volumes about their character.

I also believe in supporting our local farmers. When we purchase junk food, sodas, ice cream, etc. we are hurting our local farmers. Eating junk food should be a luxury and not a way to "get by" or to replace a meal. Have you ever wondered why a good majority of food stamp recipients are overweight? Why their children are overweight and running around "high" on high fructose corn syrup? They need better diets and more discipline.

According to a recent news article, a record 34 million people are now receiving food stamp benefits. Not all food stamp recipients buy junk food, soda, etc. Therefore, this change will not affect them. However, this will affect those that use OUR tax dollars to purchase garbage that satisfy none of the requirements needed by the human body. I'd rather see my tax dollars go towards raising healthier children/families and supporting local farmers.

Avoid Becoming A Victim

The University of Washington issues current UofW students and staff emails to let us know about any criminal activity in and around the campus. This is helpful for me because I always check the time the incident occurred, where the incident occurred, and what were the specifics of the particular situation. Enclosed in the emails from the University is a list of recommendations that one should follow. I don't have a problem with what they recommend. However, I do see a better way to approach this.

College students are easy prey for criminals. They're young and naive, usually, but not always, financially well off, and they tend to have more gadgets and electronic devices than most people. These alone make criminals salivate. When students are "encouraged" to avoid confrontation, this only adds to the problem. Why is this so? One cannot deny how tempting it is for a criminal to approach, demand, and threaten a submissive, potential victim in order to get what they want. Why do criminals do this? The reason: criminals know that most people give in and avoid confrontation. Merely agreeing to a criminal's demands without a fight make muggings and robberies more apt to occur.

In light of this fact, I propose a partial or potential solution: providing self-defense classes on campus to help students protect themselves. As a student, I understand how dangerous the University District can be. This is the case on and around the confines of University District as well as the places that we choose to be from here on out.

A student that knows how to properly take control of a potentially dangerous situation has a better chance of staying out of harms way than a student that does not. If a criminal understands that most (nearly all) students are just going to give them their wallet, cell phone, and laptop without a fight, they will continue to prey upon students. However, if a student successfully fights off a potential criminal, it will make criminals start thinking twice before choosing to rob/mug someone.

Teaching students to stand up and protect themselves should be a no-brainer. The University is not providing or allowing students to carry guns; they are merely providing them with potentially life saving skills that can be utilized to prevent death and/or harm in the future. Most people during the course of their life will end up being in a potentially violent situation. Why not provide them with skills that could, potentially, save their life? Universities should do more to help their students prepare for life in the real world.

If a potential criminal approaches the student with a gun, the student should know that they probably should do what the criminal demands. However, if the student sees an opportunity to take control of the situation, they should be able to make this decision. Why do people download music illegally? Because they know and understand that the odds of them getting caught are very slim. If the odds of getting caught were increased then most people would refrain from downloading music illegally. This same principle should apply to confrontational criminals. When their chances of failing and getting arrested increase, crime will decrease. It's that simple.

Media and News

For as long as I can possibly remember newspapers have been present in my home each and every day. I would wake up, head downstairs, and see my Dad sitting in the corner of the living room reading the paper or my Mom sitting in the kitchen reading the news. Times are changing. Things are becoming more electronic and smaller. Instead of newspapers being wrapped in a rubber-band and thrown on your porch, they are now be delivered to someone's Kindle. A part of me considers this a great achievement especially when it comes to cutting down our daily paper consumption. The more trees we save...the better. However, to me, there is nothing like the smell of a morning paper, the black residue that it leaves on your fingers, the sound it makes when you fold it in half, and feeling it gives you when you hold it in your hand. The same thing can be said for books. I have electronic books on my computer, but I'd rather read a book that I was holding in my hands. There's something about being able to hold what we read. Instead of conversations we rely on text messages, IMs, and emails.
Another part of the media that I don't agree with are these huge corporations owning all of these forms of media, including various newspapers spread throughout the country. What ever happened to a local businessman owning his local paper? I support the idea of people wanting to own their own business and making a profit, but there comes a time when too much is simply that...too much. As we're now seeing, these massive corporations are losing money and deciding to close these newspaper companies with years and years of experience and followers. As a result of that many people are losing their jobs including many of our talented and investigative reporters and journalists. These are sad times for those who are involved and those whom appreciate what goes into a newspaper.

In my opinion, this is what needs to happen:

1) Newspapers can only be owned by people living within that particular state, if not the same city or county.
2) Massive corporations may not own a newspaper company. This will allow the newspaper company's revenue to be a direct reflection of their product and their ability to attract advertisers and subscribers.
3) Reduced subscription charges for citizens who actively participate in community service (retirement homes, voting day polls, schools, etc).

The closing of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer was mainly due to it being owned by a major corporation/entity with no ties to the Pacific Northwest. The Seattle PI was around for 146 years and is now closed because some major corporation wanted to save a few dollars instead of keeping a landmark newspaper running. Say what you will about the political leanings of the Seattle PI, but don't neglect to realize the importance that newspapers have within a community.

To me, newspapers are a part of the American tradition as much as baseball, Ford Mustangs, and white-picket fences. I get a little choked up when I hear of newspapers closing, especially the Seattle PI. I know that I'm not alone in this matter and I see any loss of public information a tragedy. This is no exception.

Magic

I went home this weekend and had the opportunity to hang out with my entire family. While sitting around joking, I realized how much fun we all have together. I laughed and reminisced with my brother Brian about how fun it will be to see Ken Griffey Jr. in a Mariners uniform again. I laughed and joked with my brother Phil about a variety of things, most notably his girlfriend's choices in music and television. My Mom and I had more fun and intelligent conversations. I even got the opportunity to see my Dad, who made his annual visit to my Mom's house to help work on somebody's car. What was probably the most rewarding was the interest that my nephew was exhibiting towards reading books and repeating every word that I read to him. I pointed to a picture and he would say the word that we were using to associate to that particular picture. I laughed when he repeated the number 9-1-1 in his own version, "One, one."
He's growing up quick and his little boy days are starting to replace memories of holding him with a bottle, falling asleep with him sleeping on my chest, and doing whatever I could to get him to laugh. He's developing a personality and despite the fact that he can be a real turd, it's a joy to be around him.
I took him outside to explore the mysteries of my Mom's backyard. I picked up a stick to whack the bush, he picked up a stick to whack the bush. I jumped down a step, he jumped down a step. I pretended to eat a leaf, he actually tried to eat it, but not before I could pull it out of his mouth.
The experience of raising a child can be exhilarating, time-consuming, and tiring all at the same time. However, these are the moments that we remember most especially when they grow up to become young men and women. I remember my parents telling me stories of my childhood and how much I have changed over the years. I still find myself changing and trying to make improvements.
I'm not in a position right now to have children. However, that's not to say that I couldn't handle it. I've seen just how far my brother has come along while trying to take care of my nephew. I used to worry about my ability to be a parent, but after being extremely close to my nephew for 2 years I know that I'm the little league/soccer/life coach that every man desires to become.
Children have a way of humbling us and making us appreciate the things that we have forgotten to appreciate. They find humor in simple, goofy things and it's because of them that we can, once again, find them funny. To imitate the growling of a bear or the meowing of a kitty are joys to a child. That joy still exists within me as it does within you.
Aging and learning are parallel to the complication of the most simple things. When we're kids, we understood that Santa could make it to every house, on every continent of the globe because of magic. When we grow older and become adults, we "understand" that to do such a feat would be impossible because of physics and mathematics. When I see my nephew, the magic that I once thought was the answer for everything comes back to life. It makes me realize that sometimes not knowing the answer to everything is okay. That ignorance is not bliss, but a blessing. If I could "unlearn" certain other things in order to enjoy life more...I'd do it. However, having my nephew around has allowed me to be the same and experience the magic of "the unknown".
What is the weather going to be like tomorrow? Sure, I could turn on the news and check the 5-day forecast and prepare for rain and/or sunshine, but I prefer another option. I like waking up and having to look out the window to determine what to wear. If I looked at the forecast I would never be surprised. I deprive myself of having something to look forward to in the morning. If the forecast was wrong, I'd be upset and disappointed and feel the urge to blame the meteorologist. I prefer to live day-to-day and not know what will be happening tomorrow.
We've become a world where the time with our family and loved ones are supposed to fit in a specific time-slot and are only to last "X" amount of time. Whatever happened to taking your kids to the park to swing on the swings and deciding, right then and there, that you should go see a movie or take in a baseball game? Trying to know everything takes away from the magic of life. Sometimes not knowing allows us to be more free and spontaneous.
Remember how excited you got when you heard the chiming of the ice cream truck? He'd always come around right when you REALLY wanted ice cream. Now, if you knew the exact times and the days that he would come around...you'd never be surprised to see him. In fact, you'd be standing on the curb with your hand on your hip and eyes on your watch waiting for him to show.
I have no problem with being organized and having "all my ducks in a row". Only those who have seen my studio apartment truly understand that organization and cleanliness are not in my vocabulary. I wake up, toss the blanket to the end of my bed, grab a shirt from off the floor, a pair of jeans from my "jean pile", two socks that are similar and don't stink, and I get ready for class. Being a guy helps me get away with this much easier than if I were a woman. However, don't let that pull you away from what I'm trying to say.
Life is all about balance. We cannot control everything and we cannot have everything that we want. Money isn't necessary for happiness. We can organize our weekly schedules, but we should also devote time to our "whatever happens, happens" slot. We should welcome spontaneity and wonder. We should start each day with a laugh and end each day with a happy thought. We should slow down and soak it all in more often. We should hug more, kiss more, and love more. We should find alone time and use it to cry, contemplate a future decision, and/or relax the brain. We should be comfortable in our clothes and not be aiming to outdo someone else. When I look at an open field full of grass and flowers, I don't see a location for a housing development. I see it as a place where children can run through the flowers while holding the line to a kite. We should find time for magic.
Life is also about magic. Magic is a word with much meaning and little belief. A man/woman whom always bases his/her decisions by the "cost-benefit analysis" is only depriving themselves of magic. Magic is a monster underneath a little boys bed. Magic is the beautiful princess flying through the sky on a unicorn. Magic is seeing your childhood hero return home to play for your favorite baseball team one last time.
There is magic everywhere, we're just too distraught to see it. There's magic in a relationship/marriage. Dragons, talking animals, and a childhood baseball hero are magic within a child's bedtime story. Magic is the answer to a child's question. There is magic in stories, scripts, plays, and movies. Magic is everywhere...we just need to find time to look for it.
The people who ask, "where time went" aren't living in the moment. They're always trying to fill their schedule with things that they feel they "must do".
This is for the people who place monetary value on time. This is for the people who read books to get ahead in their particular field instead of taking their brain on a magical journey. This is for the people who only cry when they're sad.
Sometimes it's okay to not know something. A life spent looking for answers is a life wasted. Instead of beeping car horns and ringing phones we should be hearing a child's giggle or the water from a waterfall crashing on the rocks. Instead of enjoying things that require money we should be enjoying things that cost less and reward more. Instead of bringing your work home you should be taking your son/daughter fishing or to a drive-in movie with a playground.
Life is short. We shouldn't dwell on the time that we have left, we should consider how every second and every breath is an extension of our wonderful life and an opportunity to make the most of it. The act of learning is also the act of forgetting. Let us not forget our innocence and what makes us laugh. Remember the reasons that you love someone and make sure to tell them every chance that you get. Spend more time closing your eyes and using your imagination to travel to distant lands, walk through the rainforest, and fly like a bird. Remember to laugh at a funny face, be amazed at the sight of a bubble, and to growl like a bear.
We all believed in magic at one point in our lives, but forgot all about it as we matured. The secret to a happy life lies not within our financial standing or our job title, but in the magic that once allowed us to fly, to believe in dragons and sorcerers, and to believe that Santa could stop at every single house on every continent in one night.

Why This Year's Academy Awards Sucked

As many of you probably know, I love politics. However, I don't like it when politics show up at places where it doesn't belong.
I went home Saturday night to hang out with my family. It has been a family tradition that we watch the Academy Awards together and we have been doing it for the last 10 years. This year's show was, by far, the worst. There are a number of reasons for why I feel this way:

1. Kate Winslet should have won Best Actress, I'm not arguing that. However, her acting performance in "Revolutionary Road" was far superior to her role in "The Reader".

2. Hugh Jackman was a terrible choice for host. The Academy should have given it to Jon Stewart.

3. The amount of singing made me want to shove wooden spoons in my ears to numb myself from the pain.

4. Beyonce. I know that many people love her, but I, personally, can't stand her.

5. The person holding the camera during the "In Memoriam" portion of the show couldn't hold the camera still for more than 2 seconds. It was like watching "Cloverfield" while having a seizure in the middle of a San Francisco earthquake.

6. The James Franco/Seth Rogan skit from "Pineapple Express" and Ben Stiller imitating Joaquin Phoenix were the only funny moments of the entire show.

7. New rule for future award ceremonies: No member from any of the "High School Musical" movies shall be granted access. The site of Zac Efron makes me want to kick a kitten. (this is a metaphor, people...not to be taken seriously...but I really, really do dislike Zac Efron)

8. The Academy is and always has been scared of giving awards to movies with questionable content. (CASE AND POINT BELOW)

9. They should have voting remotes at each seat at the Academy Awards to see how many people agree/disagree with the Academy's decision.

10. This was my biggest quarrel: Sean Penn winning Best Actor over Mickey Rourke. Look, I actually watched both "Milk" and "The Wrestler" (in fact, I've actually watched every movie that was nominated this year...minus animation, foreign, and short) and I honestly felt that Mickey Rourke did a much better job. Still don't agree with me? I'll break it down for you:

-"Milk" without Sean Penn still would have been a great movie
-"The Wrestler" wouldn't exist without Mickey Rourke
-The Academy gave the Oscar to the actor that made people feel good. This is nothing new and has become a trend at the Academy Awards.

Sean Penn beating out Mickey Rourke was as disappointing as when "Dances With Wolves" beat out "Goodfellas" in 1990, "Forest Gump" beating out BOTH "Pulp Fiction" and "Shawshank Redemption" in 1994, and when "Rocky" beat out "Taxi Driver" for best movie in 1976. Now, there are noticeable differences between the winners and the movies that got beat out. In each of these 3 examples, none of the winning films were rated "R". Each of the movies that were beat out had "questionable" content in them. The Academy is afraid of giving an Oscar to a movie that will have people asking questions. However, the situation with Sean Penn and Mickey Rourke is different.

Sean Penn, in my opinion, won the Academy Award for Best Actor simply because it was a political decision. They gave it to Penn because of the passing of Proposition 8 in California. They may have also done so because of the pressure that they received after giving Best Film to "Crash" over Ang Lee's "Brokeback Mountain" in 2005. For those of you who don't remember, this was a HUGE upset and led to massive complaints to the Academy (many from gay rights activists, etc). Imagine what would happen if Sean Penn would have LOST this year especially after the passing of Proposition 8. I might also add that the Academy's President Sid Ganis is stepping down this year. What better than to go out with as little controversy and protest as possible. Sean Penn did a great job in "Milk", but it was Mickey Rourke's role as Randy "The Ram" Robinson that shined more brightly than any of the nominated actors.

Please Come Home

Ever since the idea of a Ken Griffey Jr. return to the Mariners was possible, I've been intrigued. Last week, I constantly checked out the Mariners' homepage hoping to read, "Griffey Returns Home". However, that never came to be. In fact, yesterday was one of the worst emotional roller coasters I have ever been on. First, a report from an Atlanta paper stated that Griffey had agreed to terms with the Braves. My feelings: my heart dropped, my nerves went numb, and I felt tears building up inside. Why? Why do I care and what impact does this have on me? Well, it means something to me. In fact, it means a lot to me. I'll explain.

Baseball, to me, is where some of my greatest childhood memories reside. Edgar Martinez' double off of Jack McDowell to score Joey Cora and Ken Griffey Jr. was the pinnacle of those memories. The Mariners lost the first two games of the best of 5 series to the NY Yankees. Everyone had written off the Seattle Mariners...except the fans here in Seattle. We never gave up and we never admitted that anything was over. We knew what we needed to do and we knew exactly how to do it. After tying the series up at two, all eyes were set on game 5. Before going any further, I have to explain how we actually came to this point.

The Mariners played very well for most of the 1995 season. However, it was the last month of the regular season that baseball witnessed one of the greatest comebacks in baseball history. The Mariners trailed the California Angels by 13 games in August. By the last game of the season, the Mariners had tied it all up and the entire season rested on a tie-breaker to be played in Seattle. This was the first time that the Mariners had ever played in a playoff atmosphere game. For the first time in my life, I got to see how much baseball meant to people and I saw how it brought people together. Sure, things like this have happened to a few teams in the past, but it was different in Seattle.

I remember that life stood still and every teacher had the game on so that we could watch it. They could care less what we did that day because this was something that we were to remember for the rest of our lives. To this day, it still is.

We roughed up Mark Langston, saw sloth-like Luis Sojo clear the bases with an "inside the ballpark homerun" (realistically, it was a double with an error, but we all consider it a homerun), and saw Randy Johnson point to the skies as he struck out the last batter. The emotions, the fireworks, the hugging, the cheering, the smiles, the love...this was baseball for me. It has never lost its luster.

Seattle has never gotten much support from the sports world and our baseball and football teams were on the verge of moving to Florida. It was Edgar Martinez' double that saved the Mariners...and it was Ken Griffey Jr.'s smile on the bottom of that stack of Seattle Mariner players that we all remember so vividly. His facial expression was the joy that is baseball. It's supposed to be fun and, to people like me, reminds us just how wonderful the game of baseball truly is. I love baseball...I always have and I always will.

The 95 season was something that I will never witness again in my life. Even if something like that happens, it won't be the same. That's not to say that I wouldn't love to see something like that again, but that was a one-way ticket for me and I'm content with that. We all forget what happened in the ALCS. Just to be a part of that series was nothing short of amazing. Everyone had written us off and we stuck together to prove them all wrong. That was our statement to the baseball world that we have a team in Seattle called the Mariners and that we, the fans, will always stand by them.

Edgar Martinez never left this team. Jay Buhner never left this team. Everyone else, left this team. Tino Martinez left, Alex Rodriguez left, Randy Johnson left, and "The Kid" Ken Griffey Jr. left. Unlike those that left, nobody was shown more love than the love that we gave Jr. on that weekend that he returned to Safeco Field for the first time in 7 years as a member of the Cincinnati Reds...I attended all three games. He was afraid that he would get "booed". That may have been true if it were any other city in this country, but he underestimated the love that exists in Seattle. We remembered what he did for the game of baseball in Seattle and for our lives and we wanted to let him know how much that meant to us. Seeing him play baseball in person gave me goosebumps. It gave me glimpses of what drew me into this game.

It may have been Edgar's 2-RBI double that won game 5 of the 1995 ALDS for the Mariners, but it was the smiling face at the bottom of the pile that we will always remember. It was the smile of a boy who loved to play baseball. It was the smile of a baseball player experiencing the joys of playing this wonderful game. It was Ken Griffey Jr.'s smile that we fell in love with. To see that and experience it just one last time, would give hope to, not only me, but a city so desperate for something to numb us from the pain of losing and being disrespected.

As I write this, I feel scared. I'm scared to wake up and read "Griffey Signs With Braves". That may not have much of an impact on the average citizen or even the average baseball fan. However, it will have a huge impact on someone like me...who wanted to see his #24 Seattle Mariners jersey, see him in batting practice with his hat backwards, and to see him smile just one last time. That's all we ever wanted. We have one last chance to experience a little bit of the magic that was 1995. It's our last chance to show our kids how memorable that was to us and how important Griffey was to that equation. If he signs with the Braves, he will become nothing more than a distant memory and it will do irreparable damage to the hearts of Seattle fans that love this game, and this team, so very much. I hope, I wish, and I wait. Please Jr...please come home.

It's Within All Of Us

Surrounded by ignorance,
This dance of death has been done before,
What makes this time any different?
Ambition has been replaced by greed,
Compassion replaced by egoism,
They personify all that is wrong,
What can I do?
I'm fueled by ambitions,
I am also compassionate,
Are greed and egoism contagious?
What does it take to stand out?
I feel for those lost in the shadows,
I cry for those living in pain,
Single mothers abandoned by scared little "boys",
Young men with wonderful hearts, but without bravery,
A woman being hounded as she walks into an abortion clinic,
An abused woman hiding in a closet, in a room,
An abused child, hiding under his/her bed,
An elderly woman, neglected by her family,
A military veteran ignored by society,
A parent working two jobs,
A family that continues to love an addict,
A man who refuses to leave despite her adulterous ways,
A parent raising a special needs child,
And a caring teacher, left helpless by budgets cuts,
These are the people I stand for,
These are the people that make up the world,
Homes with white picket fences are a myth,
Addiction knows no race, sex, or face,
Abuse runs parallel with pride and anger,
Pain seeks out the weak and refuses to let go,
However, there is something much greater than pain,
Stronger and more powerful than abuse and neglect,
It keeps a family close,
A wife by her husband's side,
A husband cuddling in bed at night,
A child laughing,
It gives a lonely man a smile,
A single mother warmth,
A military veteran acceptance,
An addict hope,
It gives children a chance,
A murderer guilt,
A politician an ultimatum,
A suicidal person a reason to reconsider,
And it keeps me here,
For you,
To offer my hand when you fall,
My shoulder for when you cry,
My ear for when you vent,
My eyes to tell you how beautiful you are,
My voice to comfort you,
My mouth to give you a smile,
My heart to give you compassion,
My lungs to breathe into yours, just in case,
My kidney, just in case,
And my life, if that situation were to arise,
That thing, is pure, unfiltered love,
And that love within me spreads into you,
And in you, it turns into hope,
For, within you, I see hope,
That hope is worth my life,
It's worth my time, my health, and my money,
You are what keeps me going,
You are everything to me,
I only ask one thing in return,
Treat others in the same manner that I treat you,
Help them, comfort them, care for them, and love them,
For then, you too, will see that hope,
That hope that lies dormant within all of us,
Until love comes around and sets it free,
And when that happens, it will spread like wildfire,
Let it not die with you,
Let it burn within you and infect everyone you see,
Let it remove hatred, ignorance, and pain in one fellow swoop,
Let it not trickle up, nor trickle down,
Let it trickle on a level that exists in us all,
That level is love, and love will bring upon hope,
Hope for a brighter future,
Hope for every child to get an equal opportunity,
Hope to drown hunger in waves of compassion and giving,
Hope to strangle ignorance from society's ills,
Hope to rid this world of the hatred that separates us all,
Hope for us to find similarities within each other,
For I see hope in everyone,
And that is why I'm here,
To provide the love that will set hope free,
There is hope inside of you,
As it exists within me.

Soak It All In

Close your eyes,
Feel the warmth of the sun,
Breathe in through your nose,
Taste that which only exists in these moments,
Listen to the breeze,
The sound of the waterfall,
I am whole once again,
Exhale slowly,
Smell that which only exists in these locations,
All alone yet completely surrounded,
In control, but totally and utterly vulnerable,
Every sense is heightened,
Entire body feels weightless,
Movements resemble underwater dance,
Take advantage of these moments,
Appreciate small wonders,
Expect nothing and everything at the same time,
Remember why you're here,
Soak it all in,
Every single drop,
Real world has burdened you,
So you keep coming back,
To this mystical place,
A place full of wonders,
A heightened sense of awareness,
Because here you are whole,
It is here that you are free.

To Be Truly Free

The question still remains: Are we truly free?
What does it mean to be truly free?
The more we adapt to changes and integrate ourselves into societal norms...we lose a portion of that freedom that we hold so close.
If one refuses to change with the world is it their fault?
We all make decisions on a daily basis that affect, not only our lives, but those around us.
Things used to be so simple...so innocent...so pure.
We are all so inundated by wires, circuit boards, and thousands of useless gadgets.
What happened to the simple life that we once had?
The current state of the world has caused me to question my own existence.
If I am truly living my life...I want to live it on my own terms.
Take away the unnecessary material things that surround me and give me the false feeling of satisfaction.
Satisfaction...satisfaction of what?
Am I bettering myself or am I sinking in quicksand?
The more gadgets I acquire, the less time I have to better myself.
From my cell phone to my laptop computer...I have allowed myself to become enslaved.
By depending on unnecessary material objects...I have surrendered my freedoms.
My freedom to see the world, to become one with nature, to live as my ancestors did, and my freedom to be truly free.
The things I eat and the things I wear...I have done nothing to tend to my own needs.
I do not grow the food I consume, nor did I make my clothes that I wear.
Material possessions are only worth as much as we feel they are.
Why do we outsource our necessities?
We even outsource the love that we provide to our children.
We have become lazy...we have become engulfed...we have become enslaved.
We listen to our cell phones' ringtone more than we listen to our children.
Our children understand a different world...a simple world.
A simple world...one that I envy...a world that I wish I could experience once again.
A world where the love and compassion from another human being mean much more than toys that light up or make goofy noises.
A world that requires no wires, no electricity, and no money.
Take everything that I own...take it all.
I want to swim in the ocean...I want to keep warm by a fire...I want to sleep under the stars.
I only want to hear the crashing of the waves, the rushing water in a river, the wind blowing through the trees, and sound of my own voice in my head.
I want to get to know myself.
I want to eat only what I need and take only what is required for survival.
I want to hear the howling of the wolf, the hoot of the owl, the crackling of the fire, and the sound of nothing.
I want to be vulnerable to the elements...I want to learn how to fend for myself.
I want to understand that of which I have never understood before.
I want to feel the Earth breathe.
I want to close my eyes, raise my hands, and feel completely free.
I want to grow my own vegetables and hunt my own game.
I don't want to be a producer or a consumer.
I want to be me...in the purest form.
I don't want to smell perfumes.
I don't want to see the nastiness of the world that now exists.
I want to hear the noise that a bald eagle makes when it flies over my head.
I want to love and be loved.
I want to truly know a woman.
I want all of this because that is all that I require.
I want my life to be simple: I just want to exist.

And the Oscar Goes To...

I've had the luxury to have seen both "Milk" and "The Wrestler" before they came out nationally. In my opinion, including many other film critics, the two top male acting performances have been Sean Penn in "Milk" and Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler". I have made up my own mind as to who I think did a better job acting and I would like to share with you my thoughts regarding this matter.

In "Milk", Sean Penn plays Harvey Milk; a homosexual male caught in the midst of a massive political movement striving for equal rights for homosexuals such as himself. During the course of the film we see Penn go from an insurance agent in a New York subway, to camera store-owning bearded hippy living on Castro Street in San Francisco, to a clean shaven, suit and tie wearing, oily haired politician. The acting by Mr. Penn is fantastic, if not, tantamount. However, there is one thing that is missing from this role: the movie could exist without Sean Penn playing Harvey Milk. The movie has a massively talented supporting cast, a fantastic directing job, and an uplifting story which, sad to say, far too many people allow to influence them when judging an actor's overall performance. However, this is not the kind of role that should land an actor an Oscar.

An Oscar should go to the actor that has overcome great emotional obstacles or has failed in this regard, holds the movie together simply by being in the movie, makes other actors/actresses around them better because of their screen presence, and displays their acting ability in the most humanistic form.

Mickey Rourke's role as Randy "the Ram" Robinson in "The Wrestler" is that actor. When the film starts the viewer starts off feeling a little negative towards Rourke's character and/or his occupation in the movie. We have seen time and time again, in film, what difficulties a politician faces and what challenges they must overcome. However, a washed up wrestler/lonely, neglectful father is one that has not been given the spotlight. Rourke's acting performance takes the viewer on a roller coaster ride and leaves the viewer changed from having watched it. Every emotion that Rourke experiences or displays, he pulls you into it as well. He never really become the likeable actor that you cheer for while watching it; he becomes the actor that you understand a little better and respect more for having watched the performance.

In this sense, it almost seems like "Milk" is making the viewer love, appreciate, and cheer for Penn's character. I call it pandering. Now, there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, that is the reason that a lot of people go to the movies. However, that is why roles, like the one that Penn plays in "Milk", are so played out. We've seen it before and it has become formulaic. Mickey Rouke's role as Randy "the Ram" Robinson is a character very few have the courage to attempt and one whom fewer ever pull-off successfully.

The movie "The Wrestler" is a gritty film and is not as enjoyable to watch as "Milk"; however, "The Wrestler" was brought to life by the sensational directing of Darren Aronofsky and the brilliant acting of Mickey Rourke. I highly recommend this movie to anyone who appreciates seeing phenomenal acting at its finest. This is why I feel that Mickey Rourke will be named the best actor of 2008.

Economic Problems: Who To Blame?

The recent economic problems in the United States and throughout the world are devastating. However, they did not arrive without some warning. One must not blame the politicians, the banks, the auto-industry, etc. The finger of blame should be pointed at the sullen face in the mirror. Yes, that's right...YOU!

Most Americans tend to live their life without a care in the world. They buy what they want, as much as they want, and could care less about how their decisions tend to affect other people. People have forgotten how to take care of themselves and now require assistance from the government in order to live day-to-day. The government only exists because we are too lazy and greedy. Do you get along with your neighbor? Do you break into each other's house and take things that aren't yours? Do you get along with your ex-wife/ex-husband? Do you work together in order to raise your kid? Okay. I rest my case. So, why the need for government?

Human beings used to be able to grow their own food, build their own homes, provide their own transportation, trade with others for goods that they did not have, etc. We still do that today, however, we have other people do it for us. The business industry exists because people provide services that we refuse to do and would rather pay other people to do. Although it has made life easier for people, it has inevitably made us lazy and unable to fend for ourselves. People see a way to make a quick dollar and they exploit it until the bubble bursts ruining it for everyone (look at baseball cards and homes). We used to be able to be able to provide all of our own necessities and work out difficulties diplomatically. Because of our laziness, we have created ways to improve our lives and, at the same time, make us more vulnerable than we have ever been.

Why do car mechanics exist? Because people are too lazy to learn the functions of their own car and learn how to take care of it and keep it running efficiently. Now, we have auto mechanics who take advantage of uneducated (in terms of cars) people in order to make a profit. Not all auto mechanics are like this, but it does help them gain a financial edge on other competing businesses.

Why do restaurants exist? Fast-food is terrible for us, however, we consume more of that garbage now than we ever have in our history. Why? Because we're too lazy to do it ourselves.

"But I don't have enough time to shop, cook, and clean." Well, you're working at a job that has created that stress in your life. You have no one else to blame for your current financial and occupational situation.

"But I had kids". Well, nobody told you to have kids. You had plenty of opportunities to get a great education and better yourself, but you didn't do it.

"But my parents didn't raise me properly". Well, what makes you think that you're making things better for your kids by acting in the same manner that your parents did? You see, we all have excuses and we're all lazy. Yet, when faced with financial hardships such as the current one, we scream "foul!" and immediately find someone else to blame for our current situation. This is wrong and does not go to the root of the problem.

I argue that cars are a luxury and not a necessity. If you were able to separate your mind from your current situation and view the world from mine, you'd understand what I mean. When you really think about it, we really don't need to work at a job. The only reason we work is to pay for things that we don't need. We don't need to buy homes because we can build our own homes if we just learned how to do it on our own. We could feed ourselves if we learned how to properly farm our land. We could communicate with each other if we didn't expect instant gratification and responses. You see? All of our problems are created based upon OUR OWN laziness. We have nobody to blame but ourselves.

People who love their iPods, cars, computers, etc. all love something that was once a part of the Earth. Everything that we can touch comes from the Earth. What we consider to be wonderful and fun are usually things that are not necessary for the sake of living. We don't need televisions, we don't need chemical plants, we don't need computers, and certainly don't need people telling us what we need and what we don't need.

Human beings only need food, water, compassion (friends and family), shelter, and an education to fully take care of themselves and have the ability to teach their children what they know. There is nothing more than that. What you may consider a necessity, is simply not. The reason that you may think that certain things are a necessity are because of your personal choices and your laziness.

Sure, the internet has allowed for us to research topics, have an abundance of information at our fingertips, find love in another state or country, etc. However, those are all things that exist without the internet. You can fall in love without the internet and you can keep in touch with him/her without emails and/or webcams. You can find information without the internet, you just have to read more books or go to the library. Technology only makes us more lazy and more dependent on it. We have forgotten how to be human. We have forgotten how to exist as we once did. Life was hard back then, but one person's problem didn't tend to affect the lives of others. If someone couldn't build a home, they were left to not have a home. If they couldn't fish, tend cattle, or grow fruits and vegetables they starved. By embracing technology we are, in fact, regressing as a society.

Granted, technology has made life easier and allowed us to see and experience things that we probably never see or experience if that technology didn't exist. However, I believe that technological advances have taken away from many things. The beauty of a sunset on the beach is now available to anyone with a camera phone and/or a computer. Rare occurrences are now less impressive because of cameras and video cams. Love is now taken for granted because meeting someone else is so easy that it can be done by turning on a computer and paying for a bride from a foreign country. The experience of a game-winning homerun is now something that can be documented. When Babe Ruth called his shot in the World Series only the people at the game were able to see whether he did or not. Nowadays, everything is documented and the power of kid's bedtime stories are reduced into nothing. The experience of a Led Zeppelin, TOOL, or Pink Floyd concert is no longer limited to those to pay for the tickets to the show. Now, we have DVDs, camera phones, and video clips that we can watch to experience "somewhat" what an attendee experienced. Technology has decreased the value of things that were once held to be sacred and once-in-a-lifetime experiences.

We refuse to cook for ourselves, fix our own means of transportation, educate ourselves and/or our children, and dispose of our own waste. Everything that we can do for ourselves is contracted out to someone else. We now, at least in our own confused little heads, can blame other people for not adequately performing a duty that we are very capable of doing but are too lazy to do. What happened to self-perseverance and the ability to take care of ourselves? We are now weak, pathetic excuses for human beings. We deserve this financial crisis and we only have ourselves to blame for it.

Proposition 8: My Thoughts

I understand and respect both sides of the Proposition 8 issue. However, if marriage was traditionally a Christian practice then why are we rewarding that practice with tax breaks, benefits, etc. for married couples? If couples really loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, they should be able to do it and not expect financial benefits. I believe that two people, regardless of their sex or sexual orientation, are capable of loving each other. Heterosexual couples marry each other for many reasons other than love. We see television shows about marrying a millionaire, a gorgeous bachelor/bachelorette, and couples marrying because of an unplanned pregnancy, etc. Who is to say that marriage itself is a "sacred" institution that should only be between a man and a woman? Why would any logical person be eager and willing to have the government get involved in their private affairs?

The problem at hand is this: many aspects of our current legal and tax system were created based upon this Christian practice known as marriage. I have no problem welcoming gay marriage and various other gay rights. However, there will need to be massive changes done to our current legal and tax laws. Who will be responsible for paying for that massive change?

I know how we can fund these changes. Since these laws exist based upon the historical Christian practice known as marriage, we should revoke every religion's 501(c)(3). A 501(c)(3) is a federal tax exemption for mostly charities, research organizations and various other organizations that are of some benefit to society. However, how many charitable organizations have the same massive buildings that religious organizations have? Do we see scientists with Armani suits, lavish homes, and flashy automobiles? No. We only see this within religious organizations.

Despite it being a Christian practice, all religious (heterosexual) marriages can enjoy the financial benefits of being married. With that being said, the 501(c)(3) tax exemption for all religions should be revoked. The funds that are created from the taxing of religious institutions should go towards fixing our legal system and tax codes so that people who truly want to get married should be able to do so and do it for the reason that it was originally intended: love.

Want "Change"? Come Get It!

Despite the excitement that surrounded this year's Democratic and Republican primaries, I believe that presidential primaries are detrimental to the American electoral process. Now, you might be wondering as to why I would say such a thing. If you're thinking that, I'm glad and I would be more than happy to explain my reasoning for feeling this way.

The excitement surrounding both the Democratic and Republican primaries swells and comes to a head right before the Iowa caucuses. There are a number of things that I notice around this time; 1) the excitement each candidate carries with them especially among their supporters, 2) how exciting and interesting the debates tend to be, 3) the vast number of different opinions on each debatable topic, 4) how open people are to discussing topics with other interested people regardless of political affiliation, and 5) the lack of political "mudslinging" between the candidates, their campaign staff, the media, and their supporters.

I think that it's an exciting time to see the United States elect the first African American president despite not having voted for him. To be honest, I don't feel that the Democratic or the Republican party represent the "change" that they both constantly remind us about whenever they get a microphone in their face. How can real change come from two political parties that are more stubborn than they are visionary? The truth is, it can't. Wait! Why is this so?

After the primaries are over both of the major party candidates need only to worry about the other candidate. They only need to dodge the attack that comes at them from one general direction. This forces each candidate to merely deny the other parties allegations and repeat over and over again what they have been saying for the last few months or so. The American public has been deprived from real change and the opportunity to experience a truly political revolution. The Democrats and the Republicans are both to blame for the current wretched state of politics in the United States.

People in the United States were excited to see Barack Obama elected President. They wanted change and they feel that change is possible with him as Commander in Chief. However, it's funny how similar Obama's current cabinet appears to be to that of Bill Clinton's from 1992-2000. I want what is best for my country and I feel that the American people have been duped into believing that they have only two choices each and every presidential election.

Let's say, hypothetically, that the United States got rid of its Democratic and Republican primaries. Let's evaluate the positives that this could bring to the American people: 1) choice (so many candidates to choose from), 2) variety of ideas (you'll hear so many different ideas that you'd be forced to listen), 3) lack of negative politics (each of the candidates will have to focus on their political platform and avoid looking unintelligent besides slinging mud at the other candidates), 4) more focus on the issues (forget the candidates religion, habits, etc.), 5) more excitement for a vast number of candidates (people will support their candidate; not the candidate that the party that they most likely vote for supports or nominates), 6) reduce the need for millions and billions of campaign financing that could go towards helping the American people (health insurance, intelligence, schools, etc.), 7) opens the door for anyone to run, regardless of socioeconomic status (if you're smart and understand the political process...there is no reason that you shouldn't run and challenge others to debate the issues with you), 8) forces candidates to argue their position against a number of different potential views on a number of topics (don't like either candidates position? Listen to the other candidates!), 9) allows more important domestic/international news to make the headlines besides those like "Does Race Matter?" and "Mitt Romney and Faith: What is Mormonism?" (the media LOVES gossip and garbage...let them start doing their job by investigative reporting, etc. NO MEDIA ENDORSEMENTS! Hold them to the same tax exemption status as religious figures...let the people decide for themselves), 10) allows the American people to make a decision that isn't affected or driven by useless and numerous polls, annoying/nagging phone calls, and allows them not be over-saturated in political non-sense. Sounds great, doesn't it? However, this will never happen as long as the American people continue to allow themselves to be forced to vote for a candidate that they didn't support at first.

How many people do you know who supported a candidate that didn't get nominated for their party? How exciting is it to vote for someone who you didn't initially support? Why do we continually allow our country and our elected officials to merely see things in black and white? What happens when you mix black and white together? You get grey. You really can't get much else mixing those two colors. What happens when you mix black, white, and any other color? You get something different. You get something brighter. You get change. Real change.

The United States is my home. I love my country and I'm willing to die for it. It aches me to see people swallow their pride in order to vote for a candidate that they didn't initially support and expect to see their country change for the better. Why do we accept that? How have we become so complacent?

Before the Iowa caucus, people can be seen discussing the political platform of their candidate and listening to two other people discuss their candidates positions and possibly, just possibly, hearing a position or view that they never really considered. This different opinion or position intrigues them. What is this? This, my friends, is how change comes about.

"How come my candidate does/doesn't support this?" or, "Why does my candidate feel so strongly about this, but neglects to consider this"? This is what political discussions are supposed to be like. It's supposed to challenge you, to challenge others, to make you think, to make others think, and to allow ourselves and others to hear a variety of different opinions. We used to be able to discuss politics in schools, at church, at the dinner table, and at work. However, because we have allowed ourselves to be pushed into a corner...we have now deprived ourselves of this luxury. A luxury that allows a nation and a people to be progressive and open to new ideas. We have robbed ourselves of these experiences, but there may still be hope for the next generation.

Conclusion: The American presidential primary is detrimental. It forces voters to support candidates that they didn't initially support, allows candidates to just appear electable and not really have a political platform to stand on, and tires the American people out before the actual election. Also, take this into account: a winning candidate receives roughly 49-55% of the total vote, which means that roughly 45-51% of the voters don't like and/or didn't vote for the winner. Primaries also have a history of upsetting people to the point of voting for the other candidate or simply not voting again. This alienates people and creates a huge pool of people who simply "don't care". As the most efficient and functional democracy on the planet, we sure don't have enough of our people voting. A large number of people choose to not vote because they could care less about either of the names on the ballot. People enjoy variety and choices. The American presidential primaries deprive us of this luxury.

My Plan: Get rid of the primaries. Limit campaign funding to only what they can raise from door to door campaigning, online fund raising, etc. We must limit the amount of money that major corporations donate to each candidate. Campaigns should be funded BY THE PEOPLE. If I donate $50 to a candidate and the owner of a major corporation donates thousands upon millions of dollars to that same candidate...who do you think that candidate will listen to more? Exactly my point. Money and financing should still serve somewhat of a purpose, but should not be the guiding force behind a campaign or provide a candidate an upper hand over another simply because they have more money.

What My Plan Will Accomplish: My plan will introduce a new breed of politics to the American people. Politics of change, politics of progress, and politics motivated by the will of the people and not by the amount of money in the candidates campaign account. People will hear new ideas, they will debate with people, they will get their children involved, and they will vote for who they want...not who they think will win. America's problems will not be solved with black and white ideas. Solutions and different visions come from the introduction of other colors (ideas).

"Voting for the lesser of two evils means that you're still voting for evil."

Brenden Foster

I saw a news story about an 11 year old boy named Brenden Foster. This extraordinary kid was and is facing death in the face. Brenden has leukemia and it has overtaken his body. However, it hasn't overtaken his heart and his ability to influence other people. His dying wish was to compel others to help feed the homeless. Because his weakened frame had prevented him to participate physically, his strengthened heart motivated other people to act on his behalf. People from all over the area decided to come together and make hundreds of sandwiches for the homeless. They did this because they wanted to help make this young man's dying wish come true. Brenden, at the current time, is still alive and smiling. He lives in Lynwood. His story touched my soul and made me realize that certain situations bring out the best in certain people and that it sometimes compels us to act in a selfless manner. Because of his wish to help those less fortunate than us, I want to write something for him so that his life and his message of compassion for others shall live on. Brenden, this is for you.

You may not know me, but I know you,
Your story touched me in ways that I cannot explain,
Many years separate the two of us, but your maturity surpasses mine,
Your last wish was to help those less fortunate,
A completely selfless act of compassion, you touched my soul,
You seem older than your age,
Because of your maturity and ability to put others first,
You urged others not to cry for you,
It was hard, but I managed not to cry,
You didn't want leukemia to cause another tear,
Such a brave young man,
You also wished to become an angel to watch over those you love,
I hope that your dream comes true,
Because you deserve it,
You deserve so much more,
Many of us complain about numerous things,
Your problem was much greater than ours,
And yet, you found it in your heart to help others,
When we complain, we're only thinking about ourselves,
You were faced with leukemia,
All you could think about was to help those less fortunate,
It makes me think,
It makes me wonder where you find your strength,
You are much braver than I,
You are stronger than I will ever be,
Thank you for your message,
Thank you for your courage,
Thank you for being who you are and always were,
A young man with a huge heart,
A heart capable of loving without biases,
A heart unable to withhold love for anyone, regardless of who they were,
A heart that grew stronger as your body grew weaker,
When you go, I want you to know,
That your family loves you dearly,
Know that everyday that you were on this Earth...that you were loved,
And I want you to also know,
That although you may not know who I am,
I love you.

A Night At the Falls

Driving on a dark highway,
I am alone,
However, not for long,
Going to meet someone,
Haven't done anything like this in a long time,
Very nervous, don't know what to expect,
I pull up front, she gets in and the first thing that hits me...
She smells amazing,
She's gorgeous, trying very hard not to look,
Focus on the road, you'll see her soon enough,
Small talk; wow, her voice sounds so innocent...so sweet,
Park the car, start walking towards Snoqualmie Falls,
She nudges me, begin to feel better,
Finally reach the look-out point, I finally get a good look at her,
Absolutely speechless, she's amazing, sweet, beautiful, and adorable,
Slowly get closer, her smell still potent, still effective,
She teases me by getting really close,
Is this a kiss? No, she's playing a little game,
God, I want to taste her lips, come try that again,
She gives in, our lips meet, describe the situation?
Heart racing, goosebumps, butterflies gone, overly-stimulated,
Amazing kiss, that was the first and definitely won't be the last,
Pulling back, her beauty leaves me absolutely speechless,
"What?" she says as my eyes feast upon her beauty and her eyes,
Her eyes...so blue, her smile...so warm, her kiss...so fulfilling,
Her touch...so satisfying, her skin...so soft, her face...so beautiful,
Is this really happening? She's amazing,
Mind is completely blank...she is all that I see, feel, taste, touch, and hear,
Never met anyone like her before, she's so sweet,
Her skin satisfies every part of my palate,
Her kiss quenches my thirst and my longing for perfection,
Her eye's gaze pulls me in and makes me feel helpless,
The sound of the waterfall is barely audible,
Everything about her has consumed me,
We remain close the entire evening, I cannot get enough of her,
Every kiss is as great as the first,
The entire night: 3 1/2 total hours,
The best 3 1/2 hours of my entire life,
As she walks back to her door, I finally breathe,
On the drive home, everything about that night is so very vivid,
Every noise, every taste, every kiss, every touch, every glance,
She is the epitome of everything that I've ever wanted but could never have,
She brought back feelings that I haven't felt in years,
I felt so alive that night, everything was so...well...perfect,
She was absolutely perfect,
If I never experience another night like that for the rest of my life...
I'll die a happy man,
To just be that close to something that perfect...
Is enough for me,
That night was amazing in every sense of the word,
She awoke something inside of me that has been dormant for so long,
She made all of these feelings possible,
As I lay in bed, I smile; so this is what it feels like...
This is what it feels like to be absolutely happy,
So fulfilled, so satisfied, so giddy, and so excited,
All of this possible because of her,
The most amazing woman that I have ever met.

Who Am I?

I often ask myself, "Who am I?"
The answer lies within my soul,
I am what I have always been,
I am what I will forever be,
I am me and nothing more,
A broken heart in need of mending,
A smile that breaks through tears,
A warm embrace that caresses,
A kiss that shatters self-loathing,
A smirk from the executioner,
Glimmer of light in the shark's eye,
All part of me, but I am me,
I am the smile of the graduate,
I am the laughter of a child,
I am the face of a first Christmas,
I am a first kiss' goosebumps,
I am a woman's lingering perfume,
I am the sound of the crashing waves,
I am the smell of the beach,
I am the crack of the bat,
I am the roar of the crowd,
I am the first glimpse shared by a newlywed couple,
I am the face of a new parent,
I am hope, I am free,
I am everything that I want to be,
I am me and nobody can take that way,
I am me despite what other people say,
I am every dream that eventually came true,
I am me and I am the dream that comes true for you,
I am the light at the dark tunnel's end,
I am me and I am your friend.

Abysmal Return

Spiral into me, take me beyond the barriers,
I feel it now, deeper than it has ever been,
Here is the darkness, watch me disappear,
Take another step, watch the colors melt,
Feel the anger, the pain lying deep within,
I'm no longer myself, shapeshifter I've become,
The dark overwhelms the light, sucks me under,
The grasp so tight, the tenacity so unbearable,
Reach beyond the limits, feel me fall further,
Fallen too far, begging to be empty,
Given up all hope, yet something beckons,
Sharp edges tear into flesh, pain is pleasure,
Lifeless I've become, another drink of night,
Pitch black is my soul, feel its tightened grip,
One last glimpse, before I close my eyes,
To see the light just once, to feel the warmth,
Free me from this pain, I've become it,
It has enveloped me, I'm fully surrounded,
Gnashing teeth, dig deeply into me,
Start to descend, feeling at home,
Hopeless and lifeless, limp existence,
Vow to never return, complete transcendence,
Metamorphosis, vengeful darkness,
Drag me into the nothing, take me,
Move into the abyss, suck me in,
Further down the spiral, I am complete.

About A Woman

What is it about a woman that brings a man back down to Earth?
How can a woman be everything to one person?
Those who criticize other men have never felt this,
They have never become vulnerable and fully opened up,
They laugh at other men for being happy,
They walk around without a care in the world,
They think that they know it all and that they're always in control,
Yet they long for a woman's touch and the warmth of her lips,
They miss it because they, too, once had what other men now have,
They realize the wrongs they did, but blame others for their faults,
They cringe at public displays of affection, yet wish that it was them,
Who holds hands? Not a real man, but a weaker one,
When was the last time your hand held the hand of a woman?
Why is your heart so cold? Why do you barricade others out?
Have you created this world or are you truly a victim?
There are no victims in the game of love,
Love has global compatibility, all who breathe can experience it,
I breathe, yet find myself unable to open up to become vulnerable,
Why is that? Have I been hurt in the past? Do I fear getting hurt again?
I'll tell you what I miss about a woman,
I miss lying in bed on a rainy Saturday talking the day away,
I miss the smile on the other side of the bed every morning,
I miss the hearing the phrase, "I love you",
I miss knowing so much about someone and returning the favor,
I miss eating ice cream after a walk in the park on a warm summer day,
I miss sitting on a blanket on the beach discussing the meaning of life,
I miss having someone to challenge me and make me question my own beliefs,
I miss having someone else tell me that I have bad breath in the morning,
I miss telling someone else that they have bad morning breath too, but that it doesn't matter,
I miss deep, passionate kisses that seem to leave a lasting impact,
That's for sure because I'm still feeling the effects of them,
I miss not being alone and knowing that someone is always close,
I miss having someone in bed to discuss my dreams and to tell me her dreams as well,
I miss first kisses, camping trips, and ventures into the unknown,
I miss deep, penetrating eyes that can level me,
I miss the taste of a woman, the smell she leaves after taking a shower,
I miss her bad cooking and her criticizing my terrible cooking as well,
I miss growing closer to someone and allowing them access into your soul,
However, I miss one thing more than anything else,
I miss who I used to be when I was with her,
I miss the times I would kiss her hand, her forehead, and her soft, subtle lips,
I miss the times that I would make her feel as if she was the only woman in the world,
I miss making her smile, especially when she was having a bad day,
I miss asking her questions that would lead to eventual discussions,
I miss making her oatmeal on a cold, winter day,
I miss making love to her and the goofiness that follows such a session,
I miss washing her clothes and smelling her perfume,
I miss buying her things other than flowers because I tried to be original,
I miss forgetting a Valentine's Day and having to apologize for it,
I miss arguing with her and having to apologize for it later,
I miss caressing her face and I miss her underwear that I despised,
I miss her getting upset at me for forgetting something,
I miss her sleeping in the car because I miscalculated the travel time,
I miss her trying to keep me awake on the road after a concert at the Gorge,
I miss her negatives and all of the things that I swore I would never miss,
Why is that, you may ask?
It's because I miss her.
I miss everything that she was, is, and ever will be,
I miss the things that I loved about her and the things that I hated about her.
I miss double dates and walks along the waterfront.
I miss the things that only she could give me.
She was special and I didn't realize that until now.
I'm living the life that I made for myself and I'm the only one to blame.
I may walk around laughing at guys in jewelry stores, but the bottom line is...
I wish that it was me.
I wish I had someone that I loved that much.
I wish I loved someone more than 3 months pay.
I wish I had someone to hold and to protect.
I wish I knew how to fix it all.
I wish I could have it all back.
I wish I knew and understood that that isn't possible.
I wish I was who I once was, but no longer am.
I miss how she made me feel.
I miss how her eyes would make me forget about a mistake.
I miss how her morning breath, although bad, made me laugh in the morning.
I'm sorry for who I have become.
I'm sorry for what I have done and how I now act.
You have moved on and I have moved on.
I haven't really, but I act like it.
You were wonderful and remain that way today.
I missed out and pushed you beyond the point of return.
I want you to find happiness because you deserve that much.
I deserve what I have brought upon myself.
I deserve writing poems like this at one o'clock in the morning.
I deserve missing what we once had.
I deserve the emptiness within my soul that you once filled.
I deserve everything that an insecure man has.
I am an insecure man.
However, I can say this with honesty and conviction.
I truly did love you more than anything else in the world.
I loved you so much it hurt to see you drive away.
I loved you so much that I had to let you go.
It was for your own good.
We truly, deeply loved each other and nobody can take that away from us.