Lessons Learned from COVID-19 Lay-Off

I was proud of the work that I was doing and the service that I was providing the Tribal community that I served. I use the term "serve" and not "work" because, to me, it wasn't work, it was an actual life-long service. Well, that's what I thought I was doing up until the COVID-19 "pandemic". With the ceasing of gaming operations, the Muckleshoot Tribe was forced to furlough all of their Tribal employees and lay-off many of those that weren't citizens of the Tribe or had community ties. Other than being a life-long citizen of the Chickasaw Nation, I was neither of the above. Because of that and for reasons that I may never know, I was laid off from the place that I had served for over 13 years and had become like a family to me. A community in which I invested so much into had decided to lay me off without anything more than a short phone call. From the time that I last worked in my office (Friday, March 13th) to the day that I received the phone call from the HR Director, I had heard absolutely nothing from Tribal leadership, my HR Directors, my manager, etc. The only people I was constantly in touch with were the six participants in the Executive Management Training Program that I had worked nearly two years with my team creating because they had just started and their seven-year training program was set to begin. I understand that this was an unprecedented time and that nobody could have predicted what had happened, but to not receive even an email, text, and/or a phone call from anyone in leadership was troubling. I'm not necessarily faulting anyone for what happened (as a sovereign nation, they had the responsibility of retaining each Tribal employee), but it has led me to write this very blog post. Not as a criticism, necessarily, but to serve as wake-up call or a learning situation that someone may read and prevent making in a similar situation in the future. I had been serving the Muckleshoot Tribal community for over 13 years (from 2003-2007 before college; from 2011-2020 after college) and I had every intention of remaining at the Tribe until I retired. I had selected to attend Gonzaga University's Master's in Organizational Leadership Program and concentrating on servant-leadership which was the leadership style that most closely resembled traditional tribal leadership styles and methods. I had given so much to the Tribal community and to have it all ripped out from underneath me without a hint of gratitude or appreciation was what hurt the most. On 8/24/2020, I returned to the Muckleshoot Tribe to serve as their Lead Career Advisor in their Tribal College. Although this is a different role requiring much learning and adjusting, I'm excited to be back. Let's see what the future holds!

Unsettling Times

Like so many of you, I am also fearing what this pandemic has done to our employer's ability to retain us as employees. Despite how much I love serving the Muckleshoot Indian community, I know that they have tough decisions to make very soon as being unable to re-open their gaming businesses has hit their checkbook and they are facing laying-off and furloughing much of their staff. As much as I feel a part of the community and that I will never seek employment elsewhere, I need to start preparing myself and my family for the next step in my career should I be one of the unfortunate. I know that many other families are in much worse situations than my family is, but it still doesn't mean that I cannot fear for my family's future and security. It's amazing how a virus like COVID-19 can cause such animosity in the world and cause entire industries to close and let so many people go. It's sad, scary, and unnerving. I wait for more information to come in before I say much more.

COVID-19

As I sit here and type this entry at 4am on Tuesday April 7th, 2020, the world is in the throes of a global pandemic called COVID-19 aka "Coronavirus". It first hit the United States in Washington State and hit the Life Care Center of Kirkland first. In fact, that rehabilitation center became the "hotbed" of cases and, sadly, many deaths. What happened, per reports, was that a family member that was COVID-19 positive went to visit a family member and ended up infecting nearly the entire rehabilitation center. I have been "working from home" since Wednesday March 18th, 2020. We were granted "Administrative Leave" for Monday March 16th and Tuesday March 17th for "social distancing". At 3:15pm on March 17th the Tribe announced that we were no longer reporting to work and would be "telecommuting" from 3/18-4/26 at which point the Tribe would make further decisions about the future. On Saturday April 4th, an article in the Tacoma News Tribune was printed stating that the Puyallup Tribe was laying off and furloughing Emerald Queen AND Government employees. I wasn't aware of this until my Dad (of all people) texted me to ask me if I was worried knowing that. I was not aware of this, up to that point, but after I read the article my mind began racing. I started to evaluate the financial situations of the Puyallup Tribe, the Muckleshoot Tribe, and all of the other surrounding Tribes generating revenue from gaming that was impacted by the temporary closure of their gaming businesses (Casinos and Bingo Halls). I know that Muckleshoot is much better off financially than the Puyallup Tribe, however, knowing that doesn't provide me much comfort. I'm a registered citizen of the Chickasaw Nation in Oklahoma and I've been serving the Muckleshoot Tribal community for almost 13 years. Despite the fact that I've never been to Oklahoma, I've always considered Muckleshoot my home. Now that we come to this serious and pressing time in our history, I feel that continuing to serve their community is in the best interests of both parties.

I'm Happy For You, I Truly Am

I have to admit that it hurts Sure, I smile, but behind that smile is a man...a broken man You may or may not know my wife and I's story, it's okay if you don't It's not your fault, we know that you mean well Congratulations on the birth of your son/daughter, truly Congratulations on your pregnancy announcement, truly My wife and I are happy for you, we truly are A healthy, thriving baby is all that we wish for you Despite what has happened to us, we want you to have an amazing and wonderful experience We wish that we weren't in this "club" Everyone in this "club" wishes that they weren't For every unfortunate member hides their broken self behind their smile Birth/pregnancy announcements and gender reveals are socially celebrated But in private, they re-open old wounds These wounds are a burden that we must endure forever What many take for granted, we wish you would understand how blessed you truly are You may say and feel blessed, but you have...no...idea Despite what my wife and I have been through, please do us a favor Do not withhold your own excitement and happiness for your bundle of joy Do not look at us with pity Nor do we want our experience to hang over your celebration like a cloud Celebrate your situation, immerse yourself in the happiness and the moment Do not look at us and feel bad For we are happy for you, truly we are Yes it hurts, but we'll never let you know just how much For this is something we have to live with Yet we're thankful for the 10 days that we got to have with our son Some parents would give everything for just one moment, one minute We were given 10 days 10 days to hold him, touch him, feed him, talk to him, read to him, to love him I'm thankful that he knew my voice, he kicked his legs whenever I'd talk to him So, don't look at us as though you shouldn't be happy in front of us We're happy that you're happy, we truly are This is a beautiful moment We hope to feel what you're feeling right now Yes, it still hurts, but it's not your fault Your baby is beautiful as was ours, perfect in every way We hope to see them grow through the years, just as we hoped for our son Despite what has happened, it would be unfair for us to rain on your parade For when that day comes for us, we want to experience what you're experiencing right now Because of that, we smile My wife and I are happy for you, we truly are

Active Man in his Late 30s: Learning to Live with Pain

Side Note: I'm finishing up my long blog post about our wedding day. It should be complete soon. As I type out this latest blog post, I'm experiencing pains that I never encountered before. Sure, I just ran a sub-30 minute 5k before 4:45am the day after Labor Day, but I'm in pain. There's just no way to say otherwise. The knuckle on my right middle finger has been "clicking" and feeling like something is "floating around" in the joint. My right great toe feels like a needle has been pushed through the toe starting with the tip, going all the way through the actual toe, and settling in the toe joint itself. I don't believe that it's gout as I have had that far too many times to count and I have been taking apple cider vinegar pills multiple times each day. I also have this lingering pain in my left shoulder that started when I was putting together our cots when were camping in Teanaway with my family. I felt a searing pain and it hasn't really gone away. The pain comes and goes, but all of these pains really came to a head a week after I completed my very first official marathon. By the way, that also happened. I started and finished my very first marathon a few weeks ago and the feeling of accomplishment still resonates with me. I believe that I completed it and I never really doubted myself, but, during the race, I began to truly doubt my abilities and my overall health. I was nearly defeated during that race. It included four loops of 6.55 miles each. I was struggling very hard just to complete my second lap. As I finished that, I was surrounded by people that had just finished all four of their laps and were standing around laughing, stretching, and saying how easy it was. I was sitting there, dripping with sweat, in pain, and trying to change my socks and bandaging my right heal as that was developing into a major blister. As I write this nearly three weeks later, the skin finally just came off and I fan finally run and walk without pain. As I sat there before starting my third lap, I seriously considered and almost decided to take a DNF "Did Not Finish". A DNF has a big stigma attached to it as it is something that no athlete or runner wants, but can be the biggest lesson of an athlete's or runner's career. It teaches you so much. However, as much as I wanted to quit, I just couldn't. As I started my third lap, I developed a little "light jog" on the flat areas and downhill spots and walked up the inclines. However, as I ran, my body began to breakdown. I had pains in my chest and stomach that I never had before. I saw "stars", I lost my balance, and I came to the point of crying a number of times. I didn't cry because I was in pain or that I was disappointed in myself (okay, I was a little disappointed in myself, but that wasn't the main reason), but I cried because I kept talking to my son, Kasen, and telling him that his Daddy wasn't going to quit. I would have been with him every single minute while he was in the NICU and I sure as hell would't give up on a silly little trail-run marathon. I was going to finish whether I was walking, running, or crawling past the finish line. As I came up to the aid station half-way through the third lap, I told the guy to tell the race coordinator that I wasn't going to quit and that I was going to finish the race. "Please tell him/her that they can begin to take down the race materials, but I'm going to finish. You have my word." I was finishing my third lap, Clay had come up to me and said that he was going to throw in the towel and wanted to see how I was doing. He seriously thought that I was going to quit, but I told him that I was finishing. I didn't care if I was the last one to cross that finish line (I actually was the last one...ha!), I was going to keep going. I'm not a quitter. He saw the look in my eyes and he decided to start and finish his fourth lap as well. Chrissy was waiting for me at the finish line as I completed my third lap and she saw how defeated I looked. I told her that I loved her, I appreciated her being there, and that I wasn't quitting. She said that she would wait there for me and that she loved me. I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have a woman like that on my side. Chrissy is amazing. I walked and jogged that final lap and found myself staggering a lot on the final two miles. As I crossed the line, I was ecstatic. I had completed my first marathon and I was the last one to finish. They offered me a beer (last thing on my mind), but I graciously declined. I just wanted lots of water and something to eat and sit down. I ate two vegan burritos and about 10 glasses of water. I have come to the conclusion that I shouldn't eat before or during a race of that length. I need to drink more water and pay attention to my body more than I did. Those are the lessons that I learned that day. I will race another marathon, but I need to continue training and getting my body right and ready. So, as I type this, I'm in pain and dreading what I will do if those aforementioned parts of my body do not heal (finger, toe, and shoulder). My knee no longer gives me issues as I believe that my vitamins and daily pills have helped a lot (Turmeric, Osteo Bi-Flex joint pill, and apple cider vinegar pills). Taking all of those and icing my knee for 20-30 minutes after each run has helped me avoid bursitis and other painful swelling incidents in my knee. If you're getting older and are somewhat active, I highly suggest learning about eating the right foods, avoiding alcohol, avoiding junk food and garbage, and drinking a lot of water and paying attention to your body. The better you learn alternatives and adapt, the better and longer you can remain active. Happy Trails!

Pre-Wedding Nerves

It's Monday and I'm entering the final week before the weekend of my wedding. Well, OUR wedding. We've both put love, money, and effort into what will be taking place next Sunday. Despite how confident I am speaking in front of people and being in front of crowds discussing a wide-array of topics, this is it. My wedding is the one thing that scares the absolute crap out of me. I'm nervous beyond words and I get an overwhelming amount of anxiety each time I think about it. This has nothing about "cold feet" or being afraid of being in a committed and life-long marriage. No. This has to do with it being one of the biggest (albeit expensive) moment of our lives and I just don't want to screw anything up. I'm nervous about so many things. I'm nervous about crying (so many emotions, good and bad), saying the wrong thing (I get weird when I talk in front of people sometimes), doing something stupid (I've never been a fan of weddings until I met Chrissy), and just not having the day be the best possible wedding for my wife. It'll also be a week full of family and friends visiting from out of town and it will be so full of emotions. We have the walk for Kasen the day before and we have a lot of friends and family participating in that. There will be an overwhelming amount of emotions surrounding that day, too. To follow that up with a wedding...my ONLY wedding...might be too much for me. I'm going to say this and I don't mean it in a negative way, but I cannot wait for this week and weekend to come and go. It's just so much pressure, emotion, and nerves, that I'm unsure of how I will react. I love Chrissy and I have no doubts in my mind that she is the only one for me, but, man, I've never been this nervous in my entire life and I still have 6 days until the start of the wedding.

Daily Struggle

For the most part, I manage to get through most days just fine. At least that's what it looks like on the outside. Most days, I'm able to mask the pain that I'm feeling on the inside and I'm able to smile, hug, laugh, and be strong for other people in order to help them through whatever it is that they're going through. In a way, you might say that I find healing and solace in using my energy to help others in need. I'm not sure if I'm stronger than other people or if I just look as though I am, but yesterday I struggled. I struggled hard. Maybe something was telling me that I needed to relieve some pressure that was steadily building up or maybe it was me telling myself that it was time to focus that energy inward and to dedicate some healing time for myself. I went to bed last night super tired (ran a 5k before work) and walked over 2 miles at work during my breaks in 85 degree weather, so, physically, I was tired. However, in order for me to get a good night's sleep, my mind must be aligned with my body and I can tell you with absolute certainty that they were not aligned. I didn't sleep well. In fact, now that I think about it, I haven't slept really well in a while. This morning, I woke up and I could still feel that same "cloud" hovering over me that followed me around all day yesterday. So, I decided to be proactive instead of reactive. I was going to take the reigns and control and dictate the outcome of my day. I put on my Altra trail-running shoes and I hit the short little trail that snakes between the two neighboring housing developments and ran three loops (just over 2 miles) on the trails while listening to one of the best "free" stories that Audible releases each month called, "The 3-Day Effect: How Nature Calms Your Brain". I haven't quite finished it, but it has three separate groups of people encountering three consecutive days in nature to see how it affects them mentally and physiologically. The first group were a group of military and war veterans that went on a river rafting trip down the Green River in Colorado. It discussed how a former Army veteran gained their trust and helped them accept the trek down the river. This particular story was really good and it demonstrated how being outside in nature was very therapeutic for them. The second story that it covered was a group of women that have a personal history of drug use, sexual abuse, prostitution, homelessness, etc. They were taken into the Indian Peaks Wilderness in Colorado. Their story was a lot more emotional and eye-opening. They weren't able to fully take on the same adventure as the military vets in the first story, but it explained how women, in their particular situation, disassociate themselves from their physical body in order to survive, so asking them to "survive" two nights and three days in the freezing cold wilderness would yield very little results. They explained that you cannot take women that have constantly been in "survival mode" and try to teach them a life lesson while keeping them in the same mental state that they live in each and every day. The adjustment that was made was to have them experience nature in a state of comfort and complete relaxation. This appeared to have a profound effect on them and I believe it was the right call to make. While listening to this and hearing about them performing a practice called "metaphorical dissociation" by finding a rock, placing some sort of painful situation onto the rock, and throwing it into the pond. This act is a way to take something that has been causing us pain and tossing it away and getting it far away from us as possible. At this point, I just broke down on the trail and cried hard for our son, Kasen. I cried, I pleaded, and I apologized to him over and over. I have never gotten over the fact that maybe there was something that I did that caused everything or that I was in another state on a trip the days before he was born. There's a lot of guilt there. A lot of pain and guilt that I tuck away and that pops up when I least expect it. I understand and accept that this is a burden that I and my family will have to live with for the rest of our lives. We cannot change it and we cannot alter it, but we can use it as a "force" that gets us to treasure our daughter, take nothing in life for granted, and be thankful that we got 10 whole days with our son. 10 days more than some parents that have lost a child that never got the opportunity to experience. I got to hold him, feed him, kiss him, watch him kick his feet like crazy when he heard my voice, and he got to hold my finger. I'm so eternally thankful for that. Nothing that happens from here on out can take that away from me. My son knew me. He knew my voice, recognized my touch, felt my kisses, and he got a story from Daddy each night. Despite how traumatic and hectic October 23rd, 2018 was, I still managed to get him the "baby boy" version of teddy bear from the gift shop that I got for his big sister. That bear was with him each hour, minute, and second of his life. His bear will always be here and serve as a constant reminder for us for what it signified. I still have the teddy bear that my father got me while I was in the hospital after I was born, our daughter still has hers, and we will always have his. Each time I wrap my arms around that bear, all of the memories, feelings, and emotions come rushing back to me. I miss my son so much. The fact that he would be 4 months old right now and remembering how wonderful my daughter was at that age hurts. I wish that I was losing hours of sleep and running on fumes. I wish that I was struggling with finances and having to pay another weekly payment for daycare. I wish that I had to open up and make weekly deposits into another kid's college fund. I wish that my car was dirtier and fuller of toys, snacks, and crumbs. I just miss my son dearly. Despite how horrible and miserable losing him was, I will forever be thankful and blessed for the 10 days that we got to spend together. That is something that nobody could ever take away and I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Pre-Surgery Post

It's 6:30am in the morning on Thursday May 30, 2019. One day before I have surgery to have my wisdom teeth extracted and one month before one of the biggest days of my life, my wedding. Frankly, each one of them makes me nervous. Tomorrow's surgery makes me nervous because I haven't had surgery of any kind since my reconstructive knee surgery back in July of 2010. The wedding, well, I'm nervous for that because I love Chrissy so much and this day should be absolutely perfect and special for her. She deserves it. I'm nervous because I want everything to go as planned and for her and I to tie the knot and enjoy our time together up in Mount Rainier National Park for the few days after for our short and partial honeymoon. There will be a much more heroic honeymoon later, believe me. Tomorrow's surgery has me anxious because I don't know what to expect, I've heard that the surgery is rather forceful and extremely painful, and the side-effects that were explained to me (numbness on my lower jaw, nasal sinus trauma from upper wisdom teeth, swelling, the poor clotting in the "holes" left by the extracted teeth, etc.) have me seriously considering my odds. I don't gamble, so I'm not sure how my luck will play out in the end. I will be taking tomorrow off from work and using Saturday and Sunday as "rest days" as I don't have anything urgent to address or take care of. I'll just need to sit upright, read, relax, and heal up, so that I can return to Monday ready to roll. I don't have to present new-hire orientation on Monday, so tomorrow was the best option available. Sure, I could have scheduled this for next Thursday or something, but I would miss two days of work instead of one, I would have to run in the Sound to Narrows 12k two days after surgery, the lawn would have to be mowed, and I would have to speak the following Monday. So, as you can see, there was too much going on next weekend and this weekend just made too much sense. I'm worried about the IV anesthesia that will be used to put me under. I've never had the IV option before. My knee surgery in July of 2010 was gas, so this is another "first" for me. I also worry about how I will heal being that I'm older than the recommended or suggested age of wisdom tooth removal (age 38) and I'm not as young as I used to be, obviously. I just hope that everything goes smoothly and I don't become too much of a burden on Chrissy over the next few days. My next post will be post-surgical. See you then!

Memorial Day 2019

For the last seven years, I have been making it a habit to drive out to Tahoma National Cemetery to visit my Grandparents every Memorial Day and Veteran's Day. The cemetery is located in Covington, WA just off of Highway 18 on a stretch of highway between Auburn and I-90. My wife and I have been visiting them twice a year since Veteran's Day in 2014. Today will be our 5th year of doing it. Every Memorial Day, the Tahoma National Cemetery has Boy Scouts, VFWs, local schools, etc. that volunteer to clean up the headstones, plant flowers, and put an American flag next to each burial site. Just visiting the cemetery is an amazing experience for anyone visiting friends, family, or just showing their respect for those that served in the military. What started off as a simple bi-annual visit to my Grandparents has become time-honored tradition in my family. Each time that we've visited, it has been an opportunity to catch up with my Grandparents. In the past few years, it has been a chance to catch up with them and tell them that someone I loved has passed on. This year, we will go out there and catch up with my Grandparents and tell them how much we miss them, my Mom, and our son, Kasen Everest Cornwall. It has been a fairly difficult last few months since he passed away and there are days where I just miss him so very much. As I type this latest blog entry, we are about to start getting the day started. We will be leaving here in a little bit, drive up to the cemetery, grab some Starbucks on the way, show our respects, and drive down to my brother's place to see his new puppy. I don't think that either of my brothers will be able to make it up with us this Memorial Day and that's fine. It's something that I have made a tradition and anyone that wishes to join us are more than welcome. I hope that all of you enjoy your Memorial Day weekend. Remember why we celebrate Memorial Day and remember to honor those that fought and died for this wonderful country of ours.

"Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl

Despite being a book that I would have typically read by this point in my life, it was a book that I'm extremely proud of reading and one that I gathered a lot of wisdom from and experienced an exceptional amount of self-growth. The quotes that stood out to me were: 1) And there were always choices to make. Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision, a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom," 2) "Emotion, which is suffering, ceases to be suffering as soon as we form a clear and precise picture of it," and, 3) "Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him." The descriptions of the concentration camps were graphic and horrific; however, they were very much necessary to understand what Dr. Frankl experienced and how those events helped shape his view of human beings and of the world. His personal experiences also make any situation that any of us may be encountering seem minuscule and much easier to look at once one has read "Man's Search for Meaning". The book is a little outdated, but it definitely provides a look into the soul of a man that should, under normal circumstances, be devoid of a soul and has made the conscious decision to give up on life. He chose not to and, instead, used his experiences to explain that we all will suffer and endure difficulties in life, but to find meaning in our own lives because, "It is we ourselves who must answer the questions that life asks of us, and to these questions we can respond only by being responsible for our existence." Dr. Frankl sums up the meaning of life perfectly and succinctly by saying, "The meaning of your life is to help others find the meaning of theirs." This quote struck my personally because, despite what others may see as their own extrinsic or intrinsic source of motivation, mine comes from seeing others get over difficulties in life to see what hard work and determination can bring everyone. This is where I find purpose and where I find my reasoning to continue doing what I do in my life and in my profession. This is a wonderful book despite being dark and devoid of hope at times, but should be a book people should read whenever they feel that life is dealing them a difficult hand or when life has been relentless in the pain that it has dealt that particular individual. Upon completing of this book (and after allowing time for self-reflection), the reader should feel that they have more control over their life and decisions than previously thought. This alone should alter their mindset and should have them begin looking at their current predicament in a completely different light.

Getting Older

As I'm writing this blog entry, it has been almost 6 years since my last post and a lot has happened in my life (amazing and heartbreaking). However, I'm going to talk about how difficult getting older has been for me, especially the past year or so. The most heartbreaking moment of my entire life happened in October of 2017 when my mother passed away. Well, it WAS the most heartbreaking moment until our son passed away in November of 2018. That moment there was and has been the toughest moment of my entire life...hands down. I think about him all of the time. Each morning I wake up and I kiss my bracelet containing his ashes and I follow that up by kissing my ring containing my mother's ashes. That one year stretch has been the most difficult. I know that it could be much worse, but I've managed to have an amazing partner during the ordeal, my wonderful wife. She has been my strongest supporter and has shown me over and over why she is my wife. Aside from all of the emotional happenings, one of the toughest battles I've had to take on recently has been my health. For those of you that know me, I work out almost daily. In 2016 I ran a 5k about 3-5 times a week, I ate healthy, I got a decent amount of sleep each night (5-7 hours) and was doing great at my job. I also ran my first half-marathon (Eugene Half-Marathon in 2018). I only realize this now (because of how much I've aged in the past 2 years), but that was probably the best I have ever been physically. I was down to 195 lbs (down from 240 back in 2011) and I was running with my shirt off (something I never thought I would do and/or be comfortable with). Today, I've been diagnosed with "prepatellar bursitis" which is an inflammation of the bursa sac behind my kneecap. The inflammation is almost ongoing and caused my knee to swell up to the point where bending it is struggle. The toughest things to do when this flares up is getting into my car, using the restroom (sitting down), walking, and simply getting out of bed each morning. I received a cortisone injection a few months ago and things were really good for about 2 months until it eventually wore off. After the injection, I was able to do squats, crawl on my knees to play with my daughter, and run without any issues. However, it has recently returned and I fear that I may have to start coming up with my own solutions to accept this issue that I will probably have to deal with for the rest of my life. The hardest part is that it makes moving around and simply walking extremely painful. I have been very active since 2011 and I always felt great after I worked out. Now, I feel that I may have to make some adjustments in my life to maintain a physical and healthy lifestyle. I recently ran 3.5 miles on our treadmill the other day (first time since our son passed away) and I was worried that it would flare up again. So, to hopefully avoid this, I elevated my left leg and iced my knee for two 20-minute sessions. It has been two days and I think that it may have worked or, at least, lessened the inflammation that I have become accustomed to. Here are some of the positive changes that I've made in my life in the last couple of years: - completely cut out energy drinks and soda (less than 5 sodas a year; mainly at sporting events, concerts, and at In-N-Out Burger) - eating very little red meat (mainly on holidays, on vacation, etc.) - substituting vodka for beer for calories (I drink about once a week) - meal-prepping each week (one starch/vegetable and one meat) - walking more and running less - increasing my hiking and trail-running Here are some of the other painful issues that I have been dealing with recently: - prepatellar bursitis - abdominal strain (very painful and limits what I can do; sneezing and coughing are EXTREMELY painful; comes on after I run; I believe the main cause may be my running form; adjustments have been made to prevent this from happening again) - gout flareups (I've had these about 5-7 times in my past and it has always been in my right great toe); however, recently, it was in the top of my right foot primarily in the ankle joint; I had to walk with my foot in extreme supination; this caused left leg pain and bilateral hip issues) Here are some of the changes that I have been making to lessen the physical abuse that I have been putting myself through since 2011: - reduce the amount of running I do on hard surfaces (concrete, sidewalks, roads, etc.) - began looking into purchasing an elliptical and a row machine - began trail running (it's a lot more dangerous, but the soft dirt is easier on my knees and running down trails is much better for the knees than hiking because your legs are semi-bent instead of landing directly on each leg) - began working on my upper body by doing, at least, 500 pushups each day - began walking twice a day (1.07 miles each time) by walking around the Muckleshoot pow-wow grounds and back to my office The most difficult thing to deal with is that I have relied on my ability to be physically active as a means to feel good and be happy. When I work out and expel massive amounts of energy, I feel great. I wake up motivated, I sleep better, and I make less poor choices (food-wise) because I'm not feeling down because I cannot work out. When I'm physically unable to workout, I make poor dietary choices, I struggle to fall asleep, I stay up later because I'm not as tired, I'm less focused at work, and I just feel as though I'm in a major funk. Now that I'm on the verge of turning 38, I need to find healthy alternatives in order to prevent further destruction to my body. I will need to stick to a healthier diet (large amounts of vegetables, little to no red meat, lots of chicken/ground turkey, and white meat fish), drinking more water, creating, establishing, and maintaining a low-impact workout plan, meal-prepping each week with my wife, and taking all necessary precautions to reduce side-effects from working out. We cannot avoid aging and getting older; however, there are many things we can do to slow down the aging process and feel healthier in our middle-to-later years. Rehabilitating and taking care of myself after a workout has been my most recent adjustment. From this day forward, I will do what I can to take care of the body that I have and try to keep it healthy for years to come, so that I can be active and healthy with my children and wife. I owe them that much.

Why I Hike

It's strange how one horrible moment in one's life changes a person's life for the better. In July of 2010 I suffered a completely ruptured patellar tendon. Simply put: It's the tendon that attaches the kneecap to the shin. When the tendon "snapped", my kneecap was floating around in my lower thigh and I experienced the most unbearable pain that I have ever experienced. At that time, I was what one would consider a "weekend warrior". I hadn't been conscious of my health and working out for a number of years up to that point. When I returned to school in January of 2005, I had stopped working out and focused solely on my education. So, for five years I had neglected my own personal health to further my education. A few days before my injury, I was camping and hiking in Glacier National Park in Montana...the state that I lived in from 2010 to 2011. The hike that we went on was called Hidden Lake and it was a glacier lake nestled at the base of a mountaintop. It was truly breathtaking and extremely frigid. I had gone on this trip with my fellow Project Vote Smart co-workers and our large group of interns. I can honestly say that my summer, up to the injury, was on pace for being one of the best summers of my life. Living and working in Montana wasn't the best experience that I've ever had, but so many great things came from it. If it weren't for Montana I would have never met some of my many friends that I still communicate with to this day. I also wouldn't have experienced being detached from many of the things that I had grown accustomed to while living in Seattle. The cell phone reception was nearly non-existent, the town of Philipsburg (where I lived) didn't even have a pharmacy, and the closest Starbucks was 1.5 hours away in Missoula. I spent a great deal of time thinking and learning more about myself. In a way, Montana humbled me. Albeit, nearly to a fault, but it made me who I am today. I love the outdoors. Ever since I was a little kid camping with my parents and grandparents, I loved the personal freedom that the serenity of nature provided me. Until my knee injury, I had only just begun to reconnect with that side of myself that had lie dormant for so many years. The time after my knee injury were the darkest and most loneliest days of my life. I had slipped into a world that I had never been in and that I feared would become permanent. After my knee surgery, I was unable to walk without the aid of a cane, crutch, and/or knee brace for the rest of 2010 (nearly 5 months). When I left Montana and Project Vote Smart, I returned home with a new perspective on life. I would never take anything for granted again. At the top of that list was my friends, family, and my health. Not being able to walk was the worst experience in my life. While I lie in bed at night icing my knee and keeping it elevated, I remembered the hike that I went on right before all of this took place. I remembered how much I enjoyed the hiking and how I was able to walk and hike up a mountain covered in snow/ice without having to think about a previous injury, the pain that it was giving me, and having to be careful with each step. My life forever changed after that moment and I will always have to deal with the fact that I am getting older and my younger years of being mobile and physically fit are dwindling with each passing day. I swore to never take my health for granted. In June of 2011, I weighed 240lbs, had high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and I was being closely monitored for diabetes. I had allowed myself to get to this point and I had allowed it because I was afraid. After an injury such as the one that I had, a person is always extra careful and overly cautious with everything they do. As for me, I was afraid to walk more than what was needed. When my doctor told me that he was "worried" about my health, I felt something inside of me wake up. Ever since that day, I have made it my mission to work out 3-5 times a week for 30 minutes, eat healthier, drink more water, and to hike as often as I can. Hiking can be as simple as a walk through the forest or as extreme as completing Mailbox Peak (by far the hardest thing I've done and the most physically rewarding thing I've done in years). I became dedicated to constantly be pushing myself physically when it came to hiking. Aside from the physical aspect of hiking, I've found another aspect of it: the serenity of being "one" with the forest and with nature. I leave the noisiness of my house and my neighborhood for the trickle of a creek, the chirping of the birds, the sound of wind blowing through the trees and canyons, and for the feeling I get within my soul. I feel a real connection with nature and there are many times that I stand there on a trail and close my eyes and take in the sounds and smells of the environment in which I'm in. There are many differences between hiking in the rainforest, the desert, in the rain, through the snow, etc. I've experienced all of them this past year and I can't get enough. I like the feeling of researching each hike, preparing for it, driving to the trailhead, enjoying the various views on each hike, and the feeling I get when I'm done. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and fulfills my inner-competitive ego. I find camping, hiking, and nature very relaxing and an excellent stress reliever. I enjoy being on a hike alone. I get time to think, to feel my body improving, getting opportunities to take wonderful photos, and gives me an opportunity to do something that most people never even think about. A lot of people my age have kids, go out drinking every weekend, watch TV for hours on end, play video games, etc. There's nothing wrong with any of those, but none of them encapsulate me. I'm only going to be young, healthy, and without kids for so long...I might as well do what I can to make the most of it. Hiking provides me plenty of opportunities to see breathtaking views that one doesn't get a chance to see everyday. In Washington State, there is only a 3 month window to do many of these hikes and it's important to me to do as many as I can before the weather starts to get colder and the snow levels drop. I'm thankful that my parents and grandparents raised me to enjoy the outdoors. If it weren't for my knee injury, I don't know if I would be where I am right now. I'd probably be living in Washington DC, working in politics, stressing myself out, eating poorly, etc. However, I'm living in Washington State. I'm the healthiest that I've ever been, my family is right here and we're closer than ever, I have a good job that pays me well, I have friends that I share a lot of common interests with, I have my favorite sports teams only 45 minutes away (Mariners and Seahawks), and I'm in the most beautiful state in the United States. Where else can you be within a short drive of the desert, mountains, volcanos, the ocean, another country, etc.? Sure, it rains here, but the summer months are absolutely breathtaking. I love the summer months here and I'm so happy to be back. I will return to Montana this summer and I would like to return to Glacier National Park as well. I will return with a new perspective on life. I'm a little older, a little wiser, and I'm a little more accepting of things that I have no control over. What happened to me in July of 2010 was the worst thing that I've ever had to go through and I will have to deal with it for the rest of my life. The pain in my knee each morning will serve as a constant reminder of what took place that fateful day. However, I've gained a new perspective on life. I will no longer take things for granted. I will be spontaneous and do things that I would have not done in the past. I will live my life the way that I see fit. I'm a better person because of what happened. The times from July 2010 to June 2011 were the hardest months of my life, but they humbled me. I'm thankful for what happened. We are all challenged in life and we are supposed to learn from those experiences and live a better life because of them. I can say with absolute certainty that that is exactly what I have done and what I will continue to do for the rest of my life.

Lebron James vs Michael Jordan

One major difference between Michael Jordan and Lebron James: when it's crunch time...you could see the intensity in Michael Jordan's eyes and he played as though every game was his last game. Lebron James always looks like a deer in headlights and like he's scared of stepping up when his team needs him the most. Because of that, he will never win a championship.

Trade Nations

Are anyone's trading needs not being fulfilled? My name is MattMan81 and I'm here for you. Are you going to bed at night with thoughts of uncut lumber and/or uncut rocks weighing heavily on your mind? Do you need someone to hold you at night and tell you that your wool is being woven into cloth? Well, if that's you...I'm your man. Add me.

Tattoos

This is supposed to be read as a satire. Do not take it seriously.

I know that I'm not alone on this particular topic, but it seems that every player in the NBA is completely covered in tattoos. I haven't been paying much attention to the NBA since the Supersonics inhaled their last breath in the Pacific Northwest, but it would appear as if tattoos have become a prerequisite for being in the NBA. Maybe it's just more noticeable on them because more of their skin is exposed compared to other sports. Oh well.

I have come close to getting a tattoo a few times. However, they tend to only be brief moments of consideration and they fade away like the desire to flip dementia patients "the bird". Getting a tattoo wouldn't kill me and I'd probably grow to like it and consider getting more in the future. And that's part of the problem right there. I have an addictive personality. Ask anyone in my family. This would also explain why I drink in moderation and you'll rarely see me drink wine-coolers two days in a row.

I know that if I were to get that "Thug Life" tattoo on my abdomen that I would get hooked on getting "ink done" and feel the urge to get a Mike Tyson facial tattoo, a Charles Manson swastika on my forehead, and a tramp stamp. Sure, I laugh now, but who's to say that I won't get the urge to get that ONE tattoo that most of us think is silly?

Another reason why you'll never see me get a tattoo is because my opinions change more often than a politician from Massachusetts' political position changes. One minute I'm donating money to PETA and the next minute I'm up in Canada clubbing baby seals.

This change usually comes after reading something new that sheds light on a particular point that I may have missed unknowingly or because of the fact that I just didn't feel like challenging myself at that particular time (like the kind of women that I meet in bars/clubs). It's true, sometimes ignorance IS bliss. I can't tell you how happy my life has become now that I have officially stopped wearing condoms when having sex with women. Sure, I may have 12 or 13 pending paternity cases and I have received multiple prescriptions for penicillin, but I like living my life on the edge and just "going with it".

I hope that most of us can agree that a tramp stamp on anyone older than 30 just looks wrong. Each time I see a tramp stamp on a mother tending to her injured child I always think, "Could that kid be mine?"

Another concern that I have is the documentation that the police and FBI have for criminals with tattoos. What if I wake up tomorrow and decide to rob a bank or blow up a courthouse? Do I want my tattoos singling me out or convincing a jury to find me guilty? Not particularly. You can put a hit out on a key eyewitness...you can't do that to a tattoo.

If that's not bad enough, I'm reaching the age where some of my friends are regretting their decision to get certain tattoos. Wait...you mean to tell me that the "Nickelback" tattoo on your left shoulder is directly responsible for random people punching you in the face at bars and world peace rallies? For shame.

I have found myself watching laser tattoo removal videos on YouTube and the person getting their tattoo removed doesn't appear to be enjoying the moment. Besides hitting them in the wallet, it also burns your skin and you have to go in for multiple treatments. I just want to ask these people, " See?! Now, do you regret getting your exes name tattooed on your arm"? It looks like it really hurts, too. The patient is always grimacing in pain and biting down on their bottom-lip like Bernie Madoff biting his pillow his first night in prison.

The point that I'm trying to get across is this: tattoos are permanent. Some people can live with that and I definitely respect that. There is a market for it and a lot of people are employed because of other people's decision to get ink done. I would only consider getting a tattoo if the ink would disappear after a certain length of time...like a "rental". For example: if I got a tattoo of my favorite band and they began releasing Linkin Park-like albums...I'd like to have that tattoo disappear after a few years. I don't know how long I could live with a "Sugar Ray" tattoo after all of the shenanigans that Mark McGrath has put die-hard Sugar Ray fans, like myself, through.

If you have tattoos and you love them, that's awesome and I'm happy for you. However, they're just not for me. They're not for me the same way that bathing on a normal schedule or dating women with high IQs is not for me. I like to see how long I can go before I start attracting flies and how long I can put up with her grunting noises and her Play-Doh sculptures. I tend to appall women as it is, so, please, just disregard my first point about bathing. I hope that you people enjoy your tattoos. The more people that get tattoos now, the more money I'll be making on my investments in laser-removal technologies. Cheers.

Men and Moisturized Skin: A Modern Day Male Dilemma or An Evolutionary Change?

Do guys really worry about how soft and hydrated their skin is? I'm sure you've all seen these Dove bodywash black & white commercials with the popular guy talking about anything but having dry skin. Or the Old Spice commercials with the shirtless guy that says a bunch of random things and bounces around from place to place. You know, he says things like, "Look at me. Now, I'm a horse. Now, I'm underwater and swimming with mermaids. Now, I got your girlfriend two tickets to her favorite artist. No, wait...now, they're pearls." Yeah, that one. What ever happened to guys using a plain bar of soap and washing their hair with Suave or some other cheap shampoo?

Call me a simple man, but I only use a bar of Irish Spring soap and bottle of cheap shampoo. And I don't even wash my hair everyday. I dated a hairdresser for a while and she told me that it's better for guys to not wash their hair every single time they shower. That's it. No loofah, no rag, and certainly no scrub bar (whatever that Axe bodywash thingie is).

I don't see this as a problem, because, let's face it, who am I to tell someone else what's right and how to live their life? I just find it, you know, weird.

You may consider me an old-school type of thinker when it comes to guys. I think most guys should be able to: change their own oil, install window-washing fluid, replace brake pads and wiper blades, rotate their tires, and, God forbid, fix a flat tire; should know the basics of all major sports (goals are scored in hockey and soccer; runs are scored in baseball; and points are scored in basketball, football, and boxing); can fix a few things around the house (duct tape and glue definitely count...it saves money!); and doesn't need more than 7 minutes to take a shower. Yes, I have taken showers that lasted longer than 7 minutes, but those usually came after a camping trip, a long hike, playing a baseball/basketball/football game, etc. But, seriously, if you're a guy and you're in the shower washing and conditioning your hair, exfoliating something, you know what a pumice is and you actually use one, and you use a loofah or a scrub thingie...you're the reason that I'm writing this blog.

Now, I know that not every guy is alike and that some guys are, you know, "guys", and some guys are a "guys' guy". Maybe my viewpoint has a lot to do with the kind of men I was raised by (my father and my Mom's father). Even my Mom was a tomboy growing up and it definitely showed while she raised three young boys. I always remember camping (not the kind where everyone drinks themselves to oblivion and passes out in a random tent, but "real" camping), baseball games, and watching horror movies.

Maybe this is just a form of change and evolution of the male species. Maybe our gender is becoming less "hands-on", caring more about their physical appearance and spending time "maintaining" their looks, and, in a way, becoming lazier (just look at the time spent playing video games and the decreasing number of men in college). Now, I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty or to rag on anyone. I'm simply stating my opinion...even if I'm alone on this particular viewpoint. This wasn't a calculated essay or something that I invested a lot of time in; it's simply a blog/idea that I had and decided to run with. Well, I'm going to go put on my work boots and my Carhartts, do some yard work, and then come back inside to take a 3 minute shower.

Applauding Colby Lewis

This blog is in response to the article written in the LINK below:

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-31751_162-20055731-10391697.html

Richie Whitt, a columnist, criticized Texas Rangers pitcher, Colby Lewis, for missing a scheduled start to attend the birth of his daughter in California. Below is a letter that I have written for Mr. Whitt:

Dear Mr. Richie Whitt,

You are, in every sense of the word, an idiot. Criticizing a man for skipping a start (or work) to attend the birth of his own child; have you no soul, sir? Do you have any idea how many single mothers and fatherless children there are that would love to have a man in their life that took fatherhood as seriously as Colby Lewis? I applaud any man that steps up and plays the "father" and "loving husband" role that many men are too much of a coward to play.

Major league baseball players spend a good part of their lives on the road and away from their friends and family. Many ball players, or any athlete, for that matter, are known to be promiscuous and/or monogamously-challenged. So, when we get a man like Colby Lewis, who makes the sacrifice to be with his wife and family during the birth of their child, you go out there and slam him for making the decision that most people wouldn't even think twice about. In fact, look at the poll on CBS.com which asks, "Was it ok for Colby Lewis to miss a start to witness the birth of his daughter?" Now, go ahead and vote "no" because we all know that's how you feel. When you submit your response, you'll notice that 98% of those that took the poll completely disagree with you and fully support Colby Lewis' decision to be home with his family during the birth of his daughter.

Being a "man" is not something that one can earn solely based on his age, his job, what he owns, how much money he has, or the number of women he's able to sleep with. Many attributes constitute what truly makes a "man" and I'm sure that I'll leave out quite a few of them. However, here are some of the ones that I think are most important: 1) assumes responsibility for his actions; 2) if he has children, he does everything that he can to give his children the life that he never had; 3) many men die alone and many take love for granted...so a real "man" recognizes that what he has is special and does everything within his power to make her feel loved, protected, special, beautiful, and needed; 4) does everything that he can to improve himself (academically, economically, spiritually, health-wise, etc.); 5) when a child that he helped create is born, that child becomes priority #1; 6) and he does everything that he can to help and take care of societies most vulnerable (elderly, single mothers, children, etc.)

You see, Mr. Whitt, many of the problems in society stem from the fact that "men" just have not been doing their part and have not been encouraging other men to do what is right. Young children enter gangs because that is the only love and support that they can find. They commit crimes because they didn't have a father at home to discipline them and to demonstrate morality. They abuse women because a real "man" wasn't there to show them how to properly treat a woman. Can you imagine what this country would be like if society didn't have those problems?

I am fortunate enough to have had two loving and motivated parents to raise me and that did everything in their power to give me the life that they never had. There were many times that we were barely scrapping by, drinking powdered milk, eating food given to us from friends and neighbors, wearing clothes from Goodwill or hand-me-downs from my parents' co-workers, etc. Despite how difficult it was for my parents, there was never a moment of despair, sorrow, or noticeable difficulty. Although it was hard for them, they did everything within their power to take us camping, celebrate every holiday, to see movies at the drive-in, take us to the park, to give us wonderful and memorable Christmases, and to teach us the power of love and of family.

I know all of the characteristics of a strong, single mother because I was raised by one. I know all of the characteristics of a strong, single man because I was raised by one. Even though our parents were divorced, my brothers and I never experienced the ills that plague many broken homes and divorced families. My father didn't have to stay in Washington, but he did. He stayed here because he knew the importance of a man's role in his son's lives. He was there every other weekend and every other Tuesday and attended all of our baseball games and school events; as did our mother.

There are many ways in which a man can earn the title of a "man". My Father had his way, your father had his way, you have your way, and Colby Lewis has his. I don't know what kind of an upbringing he had and neither do you. However, you and I can both recognize and acknowledge that he's doing what he feels he needs to do in order to be there for his wife and family, to be a loving husband, to be a father, and to, ultimately, be a "man".

It's important for men, like you and me, to encourage other men to be responsible and to be there for their families. Slamming a man for doing what's right reflects poorly on, not only you, but on all men. It sends out the wrong message. Colby Lewis did what he needed to do and we should be applauding him, not discouraging him.

Sincerely,

Matthew Thomas Cornwall

Unemployment: Roller Coaster Ride Part II

In exactly one week I will have been unemployed for three full months. Due to my somewhat large tax refund, I've been able to still pay all of my bills while staying at my father's place. However, that refund has slowly dwindled away and I feel as if I'm slowly slipping into the dark emotional void that enveloped me for 3+ months after my graduation from the University of Washington in August 2009.

However, I swore to myself that I wouldn't allow that to happen again. Thus far, I've been fairly successful. Sure, I have my difficult days and sometimes lie in bed at night wondering about how bad it could possibly get. I wish that I could spend more time with my friends and family, but going out, driving (with high fuel prices and no car insurance), and paying for things just cut into my dwindling savings account.

I recently read that individuals that are currently unemployed are more susceptible to stress-related depression and heart attacks. Knowing that and knowing how I felt the first time around, I planned ahead and constructed a daily planner. I hope that some of you who are going through something similar to me find what I say to be helpful and use it to keep yourself mentally sharp, motivated, and not depressed.

My Daily Tasks:

1) Watch something that makes you laugh. For me, it was random stand-up comedy clips off of YouTube or Netflix or entire episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 on Google Video, Hulu, and/or Netflix. It may seem that you are "wasting time", but, more than anything, you're helping yourself by increasing your endorphins and starting your day off on the right foot.

If it's not something humorous, I watch inspirational videos. They have clips of them on YouTube. Most of them are from movies and a few of them are from motivational speakers (my favorite being Nick Vujicic...truly inspirational). The key to this entire period of your life is to maintain a positive attitude, to stay hungry, to believe in yourself and your abilities, and to know that there truly is a "light at the end of the tunnel".

2) Check job advertising sites. When you check job advertising sites, make sure to search for jobs that you know that you're definitely qualified for, but look for others that you may be interested in or might find something that you'd like to do if and when you don't have much success in your primary field. Make sure to save your searches. This will keep your searches shorter and more precise. It will also cut down on sifting through jobs that you know that you wouldn't want or aren't qualified for. For me, these particular jobs were IT and computer programmer positions.

3) Exercise is very important. Looking for a job is a full-time job. However, you don't expel as much energy looking for work as you would if you were to actually be at work. It's important to use up your body's energy each day. This will prevent abnormal sleeping habits and keep you feeling as though you accomplished something during the course of the day. It may not seem like much, but, trust me, it is. It'll definitely help your self-esteem and will help you feel more accomplished.

4) Eating healthy and avoiding a "roller coaster diet". A "roller coaster diet" is anything that is high in sugars and/or carbohydrates. Anything that gives you a sudden rush of energy. The downside of this is that you will eventually have to come down and, at times, you may find yourself "crashing". This could ruin an entire day for you. It's important to eat foods that keep your metabolism consistent and not to consume things that your body normally doesn't need.
- Things to eat: fruits, vegetables, wheat bread, fruit juice, yogurt, oatmeal, cheese, etc.
- Things to avoid: soda, sweetened coffee, anything with noodles, fast-food, bagels, white bread, crackers, etc.

5) Maintaining a "normal" social life without spending money that you really can't afford. Visiting family, playing softball/basketball with your friends, going to see a movie (try seeing matinees and avoid purchasing soda/candy/popcorn...sneak it in), going to the library/bookstore, striking up conversations with random people (if you see someone in line with something that you might buy or a product that you enjoy...say something to them...make them smile), and spend time with children (nieces, nephews, sons, daughters...if possible). I'd advise hanging around schools and/or playgrounds. haha. I have also found a social group that has the same interests as me. I visit Meetup.com and find topics that I'm interested in, groups that already exist, and find the ones that are closer to me, so that I don't have to travel too far. This will help you find ways to get out of the house, to engage with other like-minded individuals, and to feel the accomplishment of filling your schedule with something constructive and social.

6) This may be something that only I do, but I like to find ways to remember the difficult times. I have definitely had my "ups" and "downs" over the past few months and I have made sure to find ways to remember them. To do that, I like to keep a journal or a blog. Now, I know that I haven't blogged much in the past few months and that is because I have been writing down so much. These "personal blogs" are primarily for myself to read at a later date. For example, if I'm having a particularly difficult day, I write down what happened (didn't sleep well, overslept, etc.), what I did, how I'm feeling, and what I think will happen in a few months (measure my levels of optimism/pessimism). When I finally land a decent job, I will read back on these during difficult times with the new job or in my life and see that I have been through more difficult times and that I managed to see my way through them. It's important to remember the hard times in life because, in my opinion, it makes you truly cherish and appreciate the good times in your life. It also helps you realize that, although a situation looks and appears to be difficult, that you have been through tougher times and managed to get out alive and on top.

Spending too much time on tasks or things that consume large gaps of time might be worth setting aside until you get things back in line. For example, I was watching the X-Files and trying to finish up all nine seasons. When I left Montana, I was in season 5 or 6. I've only managed to watch a few since getting home and I've done that because I have the tendency to become distracted (I've had ADD my entire life...I know myself almost too well) and I might spend an entire day watching nothing but episodes.

If you're having difficulty falling asleep at night, I'd recommend reading something fun. Or, as I like to call it, "candy reading". Read something that interests you or that doesn't make you feel as though you're back in college or school. For me, I avoided most non-fictions (foreign policy, history books, etc.) and I began reading books on the zombie apocalypse. Now, I know that may sound funny (and I've attempted to explain my obsession with horror movies and zombies my entire life and I've managed to get, pretty much, nowhere), but I enjoyed reading them and I managed to doze off after a while. The eyes slowly begin closing and you start trying to find a page that ends with a "period" or where a paragraph ends. This is a good spot to mark your page and finally go to sleep.

Reading books is another way to keep your mind active and to make you feel as though you've accomplished something during the course of the day. That's one of the most important things that I cannot stress enough. Making goals for yourself to accomplish, although small, are very important for you and for those around you (kids, spouse, parents, etc.).

When you're unemployed, another important thing to do is to take a shower first thing in the morning. I have had days where it would be nearly 2pm or 3pm and I'd still be in the shorts/sweats that I slept in the previous night. It's important to make your body and your mind feel as though you're still in a routine and still getting up at a reasonable hour and getting ready for the day. Even though you may not plan on going out, running errands, or coming in contact with people it's important that you get yourself into a comfortable routine.

Another thing that I try to avoid are late nights. The weekdays are easier than weekends, obviously. I always try to be in bed by 9pm or 10pm on the weekdays and I try to get up around 6am. On the weekends, however, I feel that it's important to allow yourself a little "wiggle room" or to allow yourself to make an excuse for bending and breaking the rules a little. This is a way to reward yourself. This is important to do because rewarding ourselves is something that most of us like to do after we get paid or feel like doing something nice for ourselves after a difficult day/week.

During the weekends, I like to plan on watching a movie or to go out for breakfast with my Dad and stepmom. If they offer to take me out for breakfast and since I'm already up and ready to rock n roll, I accept their offer. This provides a healthy breakfast experience (at least in my family). We sit around the table, discuss politics/movies/family/etc., drink coffee/orange juice/V-8, and we start our brains off on the right foot. In my opinion, it's important to get your brain going.

Another thing that I like to do in the morning is to read the news. After the NY Times started limiting my number of free articles to read to 20, I've had to go elsewhere to find things to read. Being that I'm a political junkie, I like to read articles/blogs on POLITICO, Huffington Post, American Thinker, Washington Post, News Tribune/Seattle Times (always have to get my local news "fix"), The Wall Street Journal, The Hill, Council on Foreign Relations, BBC News (it's always good to get a non-American view of world news...makes you feel as though you don't live in a "box"), FOXNews, and Al Jazeera English. I admit that I find myself visiting The Onion and finding something funny to read and laugh about. Like I said, laughing is very important during this process and could be the difference between a good day and a bad day.

During the course of the day, I also like to drink a lot of water. Doing this will, obviously, increase your daily visits to the restroom. This is a good thing. Having to get up, move, and relieve yourself (I know it sounds gross, but trust me) is a good way to take a minor "break" in the day and to get your blood circulating.

From all of my days in school, I have taken courses in social sciences (political science, sociology, etc.), mental health (psychology, public speaking, etc.), nutrition (weight training, basic physical education, anatomy and physiology, etc.). I feel that having taken these classes, I have gained a very good understanding on how the body works. I know what foods are good for me and which ones aren't; I know ways to maintain your body's energy throughout the day and burn the excess energy so that you don't have too much when you're trying to go to sleep; I know specific workouts that target a specific and/or a particular part of the body; I know that engaging in conversation with someone new is almost always a positive experience; I know that laughing and finding moments to be immature are okay and are healthy for you because endorphins are secreted in the brain during laughter and endorphins help fight stress; and I know how to reward myself while, at the same time, being productive.

Now, I know that this won't be helpful for everyone, but it's my hope that this will reach a few people that struggle with trying to see "the light at the end of the tunnel" or to maintain an optimistic view of the world and of their life. Going through a difficult time, such as this, can weigh heavily on your physical health, your relationships, and your mental health. It's important to find ways (either mine or finding your own) to keep your body and mind operating on levels that were similar to when you were working and not having to worry about bills. It's important to maintain a daily routine, to laugh, to inform yourself and to stay informed, to not get caught up in expensive things (financially and/or time-wise) that may end up hurting you more than they help, to socialize and rediscover the healing power of meeting new people, to embrace your innocence and immaturity for moment or two each day, to keep a record of your successes and your struggles, and to, ultimately, steer clear of becoming pessimistic, unhealthy, and depressed. This has worked for me and I hope that you find something helpful in it as well. Thank you.

All-Star Games

In my opinion, the only sport that offers an all-star game that means anything is the Major League Baseball All-Star game. The NHL all-star game doesn't have the same feeling as a regular NHL game (minimal hits and body-checks, but definitely much better than what the NFL and/or NBA have to offer), the NBA All-Star game is all about offense, and the Pro Bowl is one of the most boring games to watch because nobody tries to tackle anyone.

There needs to be more incentive for playing in an all-star game. The NFL's Pro Bowl doesn't feature any players from the current year's two Super Bowl teams and it's held at the end of each season (when the competitiveness of each player has completely fallen off). I've never seen so many players simply "walking" into the endzone untouched.

Nobody in the NBA wants to try to block a dunk or challenge any shot in the paint. It has become the ultimate celebration of ego-centrism and not about what it claims to be about, "the team". I like watching the dunk contest, the rookie vs. sophomore game, and the celebrity game, but I haven't watched an actual NBA All-Star game for as long as I can remember.

The winner of the MLB All-Star game has home-field advantage in the World Series. If the National League wins, the National League team in the World Series will play 4 game at home instead of 3 (regardless of their record). This brings out the very best in every player participating in the Mid-Summer Classic. That could mean the difference between winning the World Series or losing it. No other sport offers the same thing.

Don't get me wrong, I love all sports. However, when it comes to watching the games' best...I stick to watching baseball. True, baseball is also my favorite sport, but I think that it is the only sport that presents a truly meaningful all-star game.

Using Negative Situations As Inspiration

Date: January 28th.
Location: Great Divide Ranch in Philipsburg, Montana
Time: 2pm

Background: I took a job with Project Vote Smart in December of 2009 and started it in January of 2010. I would be moving from Tacoma, WA to Philipsburg, MT. I was excited and, at the same time, skeptical. I would be leaving all that was familiar to me for the majority of my life for a job in the Rocky Mountains of Montana and with an organization that didn't pay very well at all. I never held this against PVS because they're a non-profit organization that was surviving in the worst economic climate since the early 1980s and were still up and running. They also employed recent college graduates, which were hungrier than most employable people and were willing to work for less. That tends to be the case for recent college graduates in their low-to-mid 20s, but not for someone that was almost 30 and had worked for more money.

Despite multiple offers from other jobs, I accepted the position because I had used PVS' website in the past and I had a lot of respect for the organization. They stood for truth, openness, and integrity in the political electoral process and this struck a chord with me personally because I despised partisan politics and political apathy. This was a way for me to directly contribute to the solution to a lot problems that I had with the political process. I was stoked. The next year of my life would become the most difficult year that I had yet to encounter and, yet, completely changed me as a human being. It also introduced me to amazing people that I am still very thankful for having met.

Before I left for Montana, my Dad and I spent about an hour talking and tearing up in the driveway. From the time I graduated from the University of Washington (June 2009) to the time I left (January 2010), we had grown closer together during the time that I lived there while looking for work. I also found it difficult to be leaving my best friend (my brother, Phil), my Mom, my nephew, Tyler, and all of my friends that I have been friends with since elementary, middle, and high school.

The ten hour drive to Montana was long, tiring, and eye-opening. The more I drove, the more lost I felt. I no longer saw the familiar surroundings of a Starbucks coffee, shopping centers, and/or popular fast-food chains. I had left familiarity for a life of obscurity.

At a certain point in Montana, my GPS stopped working and I would have to resort to using the Mapquest maps that I had printed on my computer at home. My car was completely full and each time I shifted gears my elbow and forearm would bump into something in the back of my car and in my passenger seat. I was amazed that I had managed to fit everything into it.

The closer that I had gotten to the Great Divide Ranch the more I found myself saying, "What the hell am I doing?! This is crazy. There is absolutely nothing out here. Can I really do this?"

I followed the directions to a "T" and found myself, eventually, losing cell phone reception coming up this long dirt road infamously titled Moose Lake Road. All of my fellow PVSers can attest to their love/hate relationship with this particular road. The first time my car entered this road would be the last time that my car wouldn't rattle or make weird squeaky noises. This road was the bane of my existence while I lived in Montana.

When I first got there, I was tired, cold, and anxious as to what awaited me. My now good friend, Aaron, was the first to greet me at the front. He was the manager of the Ranch and immediately began introducing me to the other six people that lived on the Ranch. I spoke very little that night and managed to go to sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow...I was dead tired.

My second day of work, we had a huge bonfire for a staff member that was leaving (I would later learn that the guy that the bonfire was for was a huge pervert and had a "tramp stamp"; you read that correctly folks, a dude with a "tramp stamp"). This wasn't a few logs stacked together...this was a recently torn down barn. Yeah, it was huge. After standing around the fire drinking, everyone decided to drive into town and go to the White Front (one of the three bars in town and, by far, the most popular). By popular, I mean that the beer was cheap, the regular clienteles had probably been drinking there since they were 11, and it was the only place with a shuffle board in town. I decided against going with them because I was sick. The combination of adjusting to the elevation gain, lack of hydration, and drinking a lot of beer got to me.

As I lied in bed, I suddenly realized that I wasn't the only one that decided against going into town to drink (Side note: the "drive" into town was a 45-minute drive down an ice-covered mountain road followed by a winding country road with deer, elk, etc.). One of the other staff members was in his room singing along with Bob Dylan. Now, I don't know how one could possibly sound worse than Bob Dylan, but this guy did. Ironically, he and I would become rather good friends.

The following morning I managed to fall asleep with my earplugs in and failed to hear my alarm that went off at 6:15am. The Bob Dylan impersonator came into my room in his underwear, turned off my alarm, and told me that I had woken up everyone on the Ranch and that he wasn't very pleased with me at the moment. I immediately felt like an ass.

Work went well for the first six months that I was there until July 20th, 2010. I was playing in a work-sanctioned basketball tournament with staff members and interns when I had a complete rupture of my patella tendon and my life immediately took a turn for the worst. I don't think that many people truly understood what this moment was like for me or how hard difficult it made my life and how much it affected the next year of my life.

This unfortunate accident happened after work and a week before my medical coverage began. Sitting in the back of the SUV with two of the interns, I immediately knew that this was going to be bad. I knew that I would get no help from Project Vote Smart and that I would have to personally pay for every cent of every single medical bill. After it became apparent that I would have to get surgery and pay for this all out of pocket, I knew that this would ruin my credit and clean out every single bank account and piggy bank that I owned. I managed to scrape up $1,600 (the amount needed to, at least, GET the surgery taken care of...half of the surgery center costs). The longer I waited to get the surgery, the more realistic permanent physical disabilities would become for the remainder of my life.

I was only 30 years old. I wasn't some out-of-shape weekend warrior; I was athletic and in pretty good shape. Why did this happen to me?

The surgeon told me that I would struggle with this for the remainder of my life and that it was just a reality that I would have to grow to accept. However, for those of you that have been through a similar predicament, accepting the fact that you're actually not as strong as your mind thinks is a very difficult thing to do. This, apparently, is what getting old is like.

My roommate and great friend, Chris, did all that he could to help me drive 1.5 hours to my surgery and to my pre-op appointment. I knew that he did all that he could, but I still would have to attend weekly physical therapy appointments and follow-ups with the surgeon. There was only so much that he could do without jeopardizing his own job; at a certain point, I would be on my own to drive to Missoula for the many follow-ups and physical therapy treatments.

I have a manual transmission and I was unable to bend my left knee for nearly four months. Imagine trying to sit down to take a crap without being able to bend your left knee; seems pretty challenging, doesn't it? One, basically, just lines up and falls straight down on the toilet seat. For those of you that didn't want that image in your head, you're welcome.

Driving was particularly difficult. Each week and each time that I had to drive, I would use an aluminum baseball bat to push down on the clutch each time that I shifted gears. I did this for each of the 45 minute drives to and from work and the three hour (round trip) drives to Missoula once a week (sometimes twice for medication because the town that I lived in didn't have a pharmacy). When I was able, I would take a ride with Mark or Chris, but my inability to bend my knee made it difficult to get around and/or sit in the backseat or, for that matter, any seat.

I did this for nearly four months. My personal life and my professional life were nearly impossible to bear.

I also had to sit at my desk and elevate and ice my knee for nine hours each work day. When I had to get up to use the restroom, I had to strap on my knee brace (which took 3-4 minutes each time), squeak my way to the restroom, unstrap and strap my knee brace to go to the bathroom (regardless of my reason for having to go), and to unstrap my knee brace when I returned to my desk (another 2-3 minutes).

For the first two months after my surgery, I was forced to use a CPM (continuous passive motion) machine that, basically, assisted in bending my knee while I slept. The picture at the top of this blog entry is what I had to sleep in each night. I don't know why the guy in this photo is smiling because having to use this thing each day and to sleep in it is no walk in the park. This guy must have had some really great pain medication because I sure didn't.

For most of my life, I never slept on my back. However, with the CPM machine, I was forced to do so.nSo, from looking at this photo you can see how extremely difficult this was on me. Each night, for nearly three months, I got a maximum of four or four and a half hours of sleep each night. This entire phase of my life almost seems like a blur to me and, if it weren't for my friend/roommate, Chris, I'm not sure I would have made it through.

Almost everyone at my job was extremely supportive and understood the kind of hell I was going through at the time. Well, almost everyone...except for two people whom I will not mention at this particular time. I will, however, say that karma is a bitch and they got exactly what they deserve.

I rarely left my apartment for nearly 4 months except to buy groceries and to go to work. I lay in my bed for hours and days at a time. My weekends would be over before I even knew they began. My co-workers would go out for drinks and nights of debauchery and I would be stuck at home. Days blended into nights, nights into days.

My medical bills and living expenses left me with very little moving room financially. For the year that I worked for Project Vote Smart, I barely cracked $17,000 in 2010. I would only have $20-$25 for groceries every two weeks. I also missed my brother's wedding because I couldn't drive at the time and my orthopedic surgeon felt that flying a day after surgery would be extremely troublesome and could cause complications after the surgery. I was supposed to be my brother's Best Man and I was supposed to plan his bachelor party. My knee injury caused me to miss out on his wedding and it caused me to miss out on most of my own life.

I know that the above descriptions seem long and extremely detailed; I did this on purpose. For people to truly understand just how difficult things have been for me since July 2010, those things needed to be said. I kept journals about how depressed I was, how horrible I felt, how much pain I was in, how difficult daily tasks were, and how my life felt as though it was slipping into a dark and desolate abyss.

Despite all of this, I managed to focus on every little detail and I wanted to feel each and every moment of this life-altering experience. I wanted to remember all of it and use it as motivation for the future. Because I did that, I, now, cherish each and every moment of each day. Each time I walk down a hall, up or down a flight of stairs, or jump...I remember how I felt never knowing whether I would ever be able to do any of that again; each step is a blessing. Each time I lie in bed at night, I remember how horrible those three months were when I had to sleep with my leg in that CPM machine. Each time I laugh, I remember how very little I laughed in 2010. Sure, I laughed here and there, but I always did so with my knee pain in the back of my mind. Each laugh was a momentary sense of happiness in the darkness that had engulfed my life.

The Situation: I had hobbled my way towards the meeting room with Kristen and one of the two that shall remain nameless. Up to this point, I knew what was about to happen because this "particular person" was out to get me for quite some time and I hadn't been the same since I had my knee surgery a few months before. #1 (my director AKA one of the two that shall remain nameless) was one of two employees that didn't give two squirts of piss about me when I injured my knee. #1 and #2 (#1's evil, soul-consuming girlfriend) didn't like me for a number of reasons. I was social, got along with everyone, went out and had drinks and went on hikes and camping trips with everyone else, and, to them (#1 and #2) was a constant thorn in their side. I was cool with #2 for a while when she first got to the Ranch, but her true colors began to come out after #1 began to slowly gain control of her way of thinking. They're just two of the most repugnant people that I think that I have ever met and I hope that they remain together because I wouldn't want to see either of them corrupting another free-thinking soul. I also hope that they never reproduce. So, Kristen and #1 sat me down, explained to me that they were letting me go, and that today would be my last day. I slightly remember what they said, but as soon as I heard what I needed, I only had a few immediate thoughts. My immediate thoughts: Because next month's rent was due the following Monday, I already knew that I would be heading back home that weekend. Seattle was only nine hours away. My first worries were for my, then, roommate, Brandon. Project Vote Smart doesn't pay very much and it was difficult for any employee to pay their bills (even with a roommate) and pay for basic necessities. I was going to be leaving that financial burden on him. I would also be risking the possibility of breaking our lease agreement and face, only, my second bout with unemployment in my life. I've been working since I was 14 and I've never had a problem finding work. After I had graduated from UofW in June of 2009, even with a bachelor's degree, I struggled to find work for five months. I also knew that economic climate in the United States had not improved and that finding work was going to be another hard-fought struggle.

I didn't tell Brandon the news, at first, because it was still a shock to me and, frankly, I was a bit embarrassed by the entire situation. I, first, called my parents to tell them the news. My Dad offered me a place to stay until I found work. It was a great relief to know that, but did very little to lessen the sting of the wound that had been inflicted just hours before.

When I told Brandon the news, he was shocked. At that moment, I'm sure his worries were a lot like mine. All of the financial responsibilities of our current living arrangement would be, immediately, his burden to bear. He managed to handle the situation very well and, if he weren't the type of person he is, I would probably still be dealing with a lot of those problems.

As soon as I got home on January 31st, I put in for unemployment. However, the one person that disliked me from the first moment he met me, fought my unemployment pay for months. By the time I finally began receiving unemployment, it was June. I had managed to stretch my tax refund for four months.

Situation: I was in the back conference room with Project Vote Smart's National Director and the director of my department. They were telling me that I was being "let go". I was shocked, floored, and, well, scared. I've never been in a situation like this before.

I don't think that I uttered a single word during the entire ordeal. Their voices were drowned out by the many thoughts running through my mind. As bad as this seemed at the time, there was a sense of satisfaction...a sense of completion. You see, I was wondering when my time in Montana was over and hoping for that day to come; I was finally returning home.

Despite the fact that I didn't plan for it to come about this way, in a sense, I was happy. As much as I would miss my co-workers and friends, I wouldn't be missing a select number of people still remaining at PVS and I certainly wouldn't be missing Montana.

For some, Montana was a nice little getaway from their everyday worlds and was a place to self-reflect, relax, and to work for an organization that, in principle, was a great idea.

For people like me, Montana is a great place to visit, not to live. My first few months in Montana were great because the situation was different, I enjoyed the work I was doing, and it was nice spending a lot of time getting to know the people that I was living and working with.

You see, when I agreed to take a job with Project Vote Smart, I agreed to move to Montana, work for peanuts (I barely cracked $17K in 2010), and live on a ranch in the middle of nowhere. Reading my description doesn't truly do reality any bit of justice. The winter months in Montana are cold, lonely, and testing. At night, I had to wear a pair of thermal underwear, two pairs of sweatpants, two pairs of socks, a shirt, a sweatshirt, and a hoody.

Not having a cell phone can be a sense of newly discovered freedom. The chains in which come along with owning a cell phone were cut. My only connection to the outside world was through emails and the internet. I rarely spoke to my family on the one telephone that we all had to share.

The cold winter months made driving conditions dismal at best. Getting around was difficult and I found myself not being able to leave the Ranch for weeks at a time. Cabin fever is a real psychotic state-of-mind, believe me.

Working for Project Vote Smart made me realize certain things about myself that I never knew before. I never knew how much I would miss the daily social interactions that I used to take for granted; the casual conversation that I would have with random people in a bookstore or in line at a grocery store. From having lived in Seattle for a few years, I missed the site of a Starbucks. I longed for ethnic food (preferably Thai, Pho, and Mexican). I never knew that the site of a woman chewing tobacco would make me sick to my stomach.

But most of all, I realized that I needed things that living in Montana would not be able to provide me. My personality clashed with it on so many different levels. The reason that I lasted as long as I did in Montana was because of the few people that I worked with that became life-long friends that I will never forget. The connections that one makes with others in similar situations is stronger than any other connection. In a way, it's the same kind of connection that a prisoner makes with a fellow prisoner. You're both forced to be there and you both try to make it work.

However, I got extremely lucky. Despite all of the negative things that happened to me in 2010, I managed to make some really wonderful friends. I won't name names, but they know who they are. One of them, should I get married, will, most likely, be one of my groomsmen. He's the one that managed to help me out during the darkest days and the roughest of times. We both helped each other out and we both managed to create a bond that will definitely stand the test of time. In fact, I really miss the guy and I can't wait to see him again. If there were such a thing as a heterosexual-lifemate, he would be that person.

Nerds vs Athletes

I did not write this. I just thought that it was funny.

Nerds vs Athletes

Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.

If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.

If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.

He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.

He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.

If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.

Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.

If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.

While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.

This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn't it?

However...
If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

Game over. Nerd wins.

All It Took

My eyes were focused elsewhere,
Then she came along,
A smile is all it took,
I was content being gloom,
Her beauty parted the clouds,
A glance is all it took,
My heart held a steady rhythm,
She sent my heart racing,
A moment was all it took,
In a world of nothing,
She was everything,
Her laugh is all it took,
A blinding haze before me,
Clarity was she,
Her image was all it took,
A growing sense of desire,
A distance eliminated,
All it took was her.

Auto-Correction Software

Dear Texting Auto-Correction Software,

You have always been there for me through the hardest of times and the
easiest of times. You have corrected my typos and helped guide me
towards finding the correct spelling of many difficult words. However,
I have reached my tipping point.

When I begin to type in a word, such as “sh*tty” (commonly used as an
adjective to describe how my day is going and/or how I feel at that time), you
automatically change it to “shorty”. This has become a problem. I,
like so many other people, find it acceptable to curse from time to
time. I think that one should definitely set personal limitations when it comes to
cursing, but I still think that people should be able to say and write
whatever their hearts desire. I would truly appreciate it if you could
look the other way whenever I felt the urge to be vulgar and
socially unacceptable. They aren’t your words; they’re mine.


Much Obliged,

Matthew Thomas Cornwall

Christmas To Me

Last night, during the Yule Celebration in Philipsburg, I got to witness someone make an issue about whether to say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays". I was walking around town a lot last night (because I was in the middle of a very engaging two-hour conversation with a particular someone...in freezing cold temperatures, I might add) and I saw one gentleman walk past another and say, "Happy Holidays". Now, the usual response to such a greeting would be, "You too", "Happy Holidays, or "Merry Christmas". The guy's was response was with the latter. However, the issue wasn't with the particular phrasing that he chose to use, it was with the tone in which he responded.

After he heard the other gentleman greet him, he turned around and responded and, in doing so, placed much emphasis on the consonants in the beginning of both "Merry" and "Christmas". Now, the second guy, obviously, was offended by the opening greeting from the first guy. That's understandable. However, to make a public spectacle over another person's nice gesture is just, well, rude.

I understand that there are people out there that prefer saying one greeting over the other. However, if someone says "Merry Christmas" to me, regardless of how I feel I'm going to respond back with the exact same greeting. It's just not something worth fighting over.

I laughed when Bill O'Reilly declared that there was a "war on Christmas". It was merely the fringe of non-believers making a lot of noise. Anything associated with controversial historical occurrences and/or religion will always be met with opposition from small groups of individuals.

And why are they doing this? Because it riles up the media and it strikes a chord with most Americans. By simply ignoring these people, their arguments and protests will fall upon deaf ears and they will return to whence they came.

Christmas, to me, always created the best childhood memories for me. These specific memories have absolutely nothing to do with what I got from Santa, my parents, or my grandparents. The best of my childhood memories stem from being with my family and spending time with them. As I have gotten older, the family gatherings during the holidays have gotten smaller and harder to schedule. Family members have passed away and others have grown up and moved away. This happens; it's a part of life. I also realize that these moments were special because these particular people are no longer here and I remember how wonderful it was just to have had them around.

My brothers and I would always spend Christmas Eve with our Dad and stepmom. We would go over to his house, eat a succulent meal, hand out gifts one by one (with someone playing the role of "Santa"), and spend the rest of the evening exchanging stories and memories of Christmases past. We would always leave around 8pm or 9pm and drive back to our Mom's place.

Our Mom would always allow us to open just one gift before we went to bed. It was usually a pair of pajamas (I actually enjoy pajamas, socks, and underwear now more than anything) or some other article of clothing. However simple it was, it has become tradition and traditions remain in our hearts and minds for as long as we're on this Earth.

Right before going to sleep, we would always set out a plate of cookies, a glass of milk, a carrot for Rudolph, and a signed letter for Santa. When we woke up in the morning, the cookies would only be partially eaten, the milk was all gone, and nibbles were taken out of the carrot.

The distribution of gifts would always build up to the gift that my Mom always felt was the "gotcha" gift for that year. This would sometimes be a tag-team effort with her and the Grandparents. One of our first gifts may have been a video game or a CD (back when CD players were rare...I know, I'm old) or something else that would prelude a bigger and/or compatible gift.

After we opened gifts, our Grandparents and Uncle would come down and bring along their gifts. We'd go through another round of that and would gradually start getting ready for Christmas dinner together. These, as difficult as it is to believe, are what I miss the most. I miss my Grandfather always demanding sweet potatoes and his large chunk of dark turkey meat. I miss the ambrosia salad that I thought was gross until I developed a palate that opened a door to the fascinating world of healthy foods. I miss the discussions, the laughter, the jokes (even dirty jokes made their way to the table), the food, feeding the food to our dog under the table, and I even miss my Grandfather's opening prayer (a traditional saying in many Catholic families).

Despite how "religious" that may sound, I never saw it that way or, at least, to the degree that many others do. Sure, I know what the entire day and season mean, but everyone's Christmas season is different.

I see those days and those memories as the cornerstones to my life and what makes me the man that I am today. As I got older, Christmases started to lose their luster and people started getting older and, eventually, began passing on. Each Christmas we'd talk about how much we missed the other person and all of our memories of them. Then, another would pass on; the cycle of missing and memories would, again, come to fruition. This pattern changed on December 7th, 2006; the day that my nephew, Tyler Nicholas Cornwall, came into this world and into my life.

I instantly and unconditionally loved him. My life was put on hold and I was determined to help raise him and to help create memories for him in the same way that my parents did for me. That Christmas, merely 18 days after he was born, I rediscovered the magic of Christmas. You see, the positive memories that my family made for me were paramount to me creating positive memories for Tyler. His joy is all I look forward to experiencing each year. Everything else is just an added bonus.

The magic of Christmas, to me, stems from the memories that were created and shared. Sure, religion played a role in it; however, the childhood memories are what shaped me to become the man that I am today. From this day forward, my Christmases are geared towards maintaining the cycle of childhood memories that my family bestowed upon me. To deny a child of happiness and childhood memories is not something that I can personally do.

I understand that holidays have a deeper, more meaningful purpose behind them. However, regardless of how one feels about that holiday, creating memories, particularly childhood memories, play a very important role in each of our lives. There are many lifelong lessons to be learned while spending time with your family on the holidays. Each of these people, regardless of how annoying we may think they are, played a role in our life. Whether it was a laugh, a gift, or an embrace, that person won't always be there.

We only get a small window in life to spend time with the people that we love and it's very important that we all make the most of each opportunity. When these people are no longer with us, the chances to create memories with them are also no longer with us. It's important to make the most of each situation.

The Christmas season is different to everyone and we all celebrate it in our own way. If someone says, "Happy Holidays" to you, they're merely trying to be polite. So, return the favor. The last thing we need in this world is someone that we don't know dragging us down during the happiest time of the year. The same applies to people saying, "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays". You're not that important and nobody really cares about what you think. Just return the favor, smile, and continue on your way.

As I sit here and write this on a cold Montana day, I really want to take the opportunity to thank the people that were responsible for giving me all of those wonderful memories and that helped me to become the man that I am today.

Grandpa John- Thank you for always being the "glue" in our family. Thank you for always getting gifts that were sentimental, particularly the Christmas before you passed away. You always knew how much we enjoyed camping with you each summer and how important those memories were to us. On our last Christmas, you had gone out of your way to buy us all of the necessary camping gear that we would need; to continue the tradition and to help create more memories. I find myself talking to you from time to time...hoping to hear your voice again. It still hasn't happened, but I haven't given up hope. I love you and I miss you, so very much. Rest in peace.

Grandma Terry- You were the cornerstone of the family. Despite your size, you were one of the strongest people that I have ever met. Your attention to each individual detail was unmatched. You always shook your head and rolled your eyes at the jokes that we would sometimes tell. The love that you had for your husband, John, will forever be the example that I hope to emulate. I miss your smile, your hugs, your cooking, and I miss the small, silent leader that you always were. Your husband loved you so very much and I hope that the two of you are holding hands and looking down on us as we try to continue the traditions that you both bestowed upon us. We may, at times, fail, but our intentions are geniune. I love you and I miss you, so very much. Rest in peace.

Mom- You always knew how to go out of your way to make each Christmas special. I will always remember baking cookies, egg rolls, Russian tea cakes, and your chocolate pies. I'll also remember how much you would sacrifice to ensure that we never knew how difficult times were for you and the family. You always created happiness and positive memories despite how much we were struggling. So many of my Christmas memories and traditions come from you and I don't want you to ever forget how much that means to me. I love you, Mom.

Dad- Despite never getting the opportunities to be with you on Christmas morning, you always knew how to surprise us. Whether it was a 1983 Dodge Aries (my first car), a football, athletic gear, or a remote-controlled car, you always made sure to send us back to our Mom's house with a smile. I can't thank you enough for moving away from eating lamb on Christmas and actually cooking food that was more within the norm of society. Turkey and ham are a much better option. Thank you for providing us boys with the necessary qualities that have contributed to us becoming men. You could have gone home after the divorce, but you chose to stay. A huge sacrifice that doesn't go unrecognized. I'm eternally thankful that you're my father and I have, do, and will always love you.

My Brothers (Brian & Phil)- You guys have been there each and every year. I remember having to "fake" my belief in Santa Clause for two years after I found out at an early age. It wasn't easy, but it made me realize that, sometimes, childhood cheer and memories are more important than the truth. I remember the cheap little gifts you two would always get me while you were in elementary school. As we got older, the cooler our gifts would be. Whether it was a CD, a DVD, or a game...you guys always knew how to make the most of it. I look forward to our first Christmas together (hopefully next year) and I want the both of you to know that I will always love you.

Tyler- My life was saved the moment I held you. Before that moment on December 9th, 2006, I never thought I could love someone completely and unconditionally again. You changed all of that. The moment that I held you was the moment that my ego and my over-inflated sense of self-worth were dissipated. You will always be like my own son. You saved me that day and I promise to spend the rest of my life loving you unconditionally and making sure that your childhood is filled with memories of joy, laughter, and hugs. I love you, Tyler. Thank you for being born.