Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Light At the End Of the Tunnel

I've been living in Montana for well over eight months now and it has been some of the best times of my life. I've gone on some great adventures, met some amazing people, and lived life the way that we all should experience life...with freedom. I could do as I please, drive as fast as I wanted, and had an excuse to closely follow politics without feeling guilty, nerdy, or doing it for a class. I was getting paid to do what I loved.
However, this recent chapter in my life has brought upon some of the worst times in my life. I have recently injured my knee one week before my health insurance kicked in. I'm having to pay for doctor appointments, emergency room visits, and surgery all on my own. That alone has made my life very difficult and stressful. I have received no help from the organization that I work for and nobody that I work with seems to understand exactly how hard this situation is for me. The only person that has been there every step of the way has been my boy, Chris. I don't know what I would do if it weren't for him.
I haven't quite been myself since it happened. I'm like the athlete that injures himself for the first time only to realize that he isn't made of steel and that he, too, is mortal. It's not an easy concept to embrace, but I have really had no other option.
While I have been out here I have truly missed meeting new people, the sounds of life in the city, and flirting with women. I know that doesn't paint a very good picture of me, but I enjoy having balance in my life. I'm a guy's guy, but there has always been a part of me that enjoys the company of a female. Something that Montana has completely deprived me of.
Which leads me to the point that I'm trying to make. There was a young woman that I met in my very first class at the University of Washington in Seattle. Her and I were in the same Human Rights study group. She was short and cute; I instantly liked her. We went out a few times and hung out at her place and drank wine, but nothing really came of it. She really made an effort to let me know how she felt. Sure, I noticed it, but I just wasn't in the mood or the mindset to start dating again. That was why I broke up with my ex when I first got into the University of Washington. Silly excuse now that I think about it. However, she told me that she knew that my mind wasn't in the right place at the time and that she completely understood that.
Upon our college graduation in 2009, we were one of the few people that we knew that actually got a job in the field that we majored in.
We both had to move and we both had to do it alone. Alone is where we found a common ground.
We started emailing each other a few times a week. When I finally moved into town and began to enjoy something called "cell phone service", we began talking. I have become closer to her than I have with most of my other friends. The friends that I have had back home, we still talk on occasion, but not as much as we used to.
She and I went out, took a risk, and took the jobs that we wanted to do. We don't get fancy benefits, we don't get paid much, and we certainly don't have cadillac health insurance. However, we are doing what we love and doing it, despite all of the obvious drawbacks. Drawbacks that prevented other people from taking these positions.
I have always seen her drive and passion towards particular topics and we have discussed many of them on the phone and in person. We may not agree, but we do share a common respect for one another. And that's another thing...we're not all that much alike. From my previous experience with women, I see this as a good thing.
From the beginning, I knew that she liked me. I thought that she was cute, but I really didn't focus too much on dating while in my final years at UofW. She went on to be the Editor of The Daily (the student newspaper at the University of Washington) and went on an internship to Greece to work for one of their papers. She also interned for an avid outdoors magazine (the name eludes me at the moment). She has always done what she loved and done it so effectively. I truly admire that and I have to say that I have met very few women in my life that can hold a candle up to Erinn.
When I talk to her, it feels as though I'm back home in Seattle. She makes the nine hours between here and Seattle disappear. She listens as much as she talks. We both share a morbid obsession with the X-Files. She is Scully and I am Mulder.
I can't say what lies ahead between her and I, but I definitely like it. Of the few connections that I've had since I moved out here, the connection between her and I is the one that I cherish most. I had an opportunity to see where this went, but I never made a move. However, after speaking with her, I feel more comfortable about the situation now than I did while we were both living in Seattle.
Living in Montana has given me one gift: the time and space to reflect and think. I have done just that. I have thought about what I want and how I'm going to get it. I have been able to live here for 8 months with little to no female interaction and I've been able to focus on what is most important...my future. And a future with Erinn in it, is a future worth looking forward to.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Just Now

I tend to have dreams where I physically act out my dream as I'm lying in bed. Well, tonight was no different and it was the first time that I have done it in about a month or so. I was dreaming that I was camping in the woods and I was trying to get a raccoon out of a tent. I ended up kicking him in my dream and I ended up kicking my injured leg in reality. I woke up in an extreme amount of pain. I just grabbed my knee and grit my teeth. It hurt so bad. I have since put my brace back on in hopes of preventing this from ever happening again.