Christmas To Me

Last night, during the Yule Celebration in Philipsburg, I got to witness someone make an issue about whether to say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays". I was walking around town a lot last night (because I was in the middle of a very engaging two-hour conversation with a particular someone...in freezing cold temperatures, I might add) and I saw one gentleman walk past another and say, "Happy Holidays". Now, the usual response to such a greeting would be, "You too", "Happy Holidays, or "Merry Christmas". The guy's was response was with the latter. However, the issue wasn't with the particular phrasing that he chose to use, it was with the tone in which he responded.

After he heard the other gentleman greet him, he turned around and responded and, in doing so, placed much emphasis on the consonants in the beginning of both "Merry" and "Christmas". Now, the second guy, obviously, was offended by the opening greeting from the first guy. That's understandable. However, to make a public spectacle over another person's nice gesture is just, well, rude.

I understand that there are people out there that prefer saying one greeting over the other. However, if someone says "Merry Christmas" to me, regardless of how I feel I'm going to respond back with the exact same greeting. It's just not something worth fighting over.

I laughed when Bill O'Reilly declared that there was a "war on Christmas". It was merely the fringe of non-believers making a lot of noise. Anything associated with controversial historical occurrences and/or religion will always be met with opposition from small groups of individuals.

And why are they doing this? Because it riles up the media and it strikes a chord with most Americans. By simply ignoring these people, their arguments and protests will fall upon deaf ears and they will return to whence they came.

Christmas, to me, always created the best childhood memories for me. These specific memories have absolutely nothing to do with what I got from Santa, my parents, or my grandparents. The best of my childhood memories stem from being with my family and spending time with them. As I have gotten older, the family gatherings during the holidays have gotten smaller and harder to schedule. Family members have passed away and others have grown up and moved away. This happens; it's a part of life. I also realize that these moments were special because these particular people are no longer here and I remember how wonderful it was just to have had them around.

My brothers and I would always spend Christmas Eve with our Dad and stepmom. We would go over to his house, eat a succulent meal, hand out gifts one by one (with someone playing the role of "Santa"), and spend the rest of the evening exchanging stories and memories of Christmases past. We would always leave around 8pm or 9pm and drive back to our Mom's place.

Our Mom would always allow us to open just one gift before we went to bed. It was usually a pair of pajamas (I actually enjoy pajamas, socks, and underwear now more than anything) or some other article of clothing. However simple it was, it has become tradition and traditions remain in our hearts and minds for as long as we're on this Earth.

Right before going to sleep, we would always set out a plate of cookies, a glass of milk, a carrot for Rudolph, and a signed letter for Santa. When we woke up in the morning, the cookies would only be partially eaten, the milk was all gone, and nibbles were taken out of the carrot.

The distribution of gifts would always build up to the gift that my Mom always felt was the "gotcha" gift for that year. This would sometimes be a tag-team effort with her and the Grandparents. One of our first gifts may have been a video game or a CD (back when CD players were rare...I know, I'm old) or something else that would prelude a bigger and/or compatible gift.

After we opened gifts, our Grandparents and Uncle would come down and bring along their gifts. We'd go through another round of that and would gradually start getting ready for Christmas dinner together. These, as difficult as it is to believe, are what I miss the most. I miss my Grandfather always demanding sweet potatoes and his large chunk of dark turkey meat. I miss the ambrosia salad that I thought was gross until I developed a palate that opened a door to the fascinating world of healthy foods. I miss the discussions, the laughter, the jokes (even dirty jokes made their way to the table), the food, feeding the food to our dog under the table, and I even miss my Grandfather's opening prayer (a traditional saying in many Catholic families).

Despite how "religious" that may sound, I never saw it that way or, at least, to the degree that many others do. Sure, I know what the entire day and season mean, but everyone's Christmas season is different.

I see those days and those memories as the cornerstones to my life and what makes me the man that I am today. As I got older, Christmases started to lose their luster and people started getting older and, eventually, began passing on. Each Christmas we'd talk about how much we missed the other person and all of our memories of them. Then, another would pass on; the cycle of missing and memories would, again, come to fruition. This pattern changed on December 7th, 2006; the day that my nephew, Tyler Nicholas Cornwall, came into this world and into my life.

I instantly and unconditionally loved him. My life was put on hold and I was determined to help raise him and to help create memories for him in the same way that my parents did for me. That Christmas, merely 18 days after he was born, I rediscovered the magic of Christmas. You see, the positive memories that my family made for me were paramount to me creating positive memories for Tyler. His joy is all I look forward to experiencing each year. Everything else is just an added bonus.

The magic of Christmas, to me, stems from the memories that were created and shared. Sure, religion played a role in it; however, the childhood memories are what shaped me to become the man that I am today. From this day forward, my Christmases are geared towards maintaining the cycle of childhood memories that my family bestowed upon me. To deny a child of happiness and childhood memories is not something that I can personally do.

I understand that holidays have a deeper, more meaningful purpose behind them. However, regardless of how one feels about that holiday, creating memories, particularly childhood memories, play a very important role in each of our lives. There are many lifelong lessons to be learned while spending time with your family on the holidays. Each of these people, regardless of how annoying we may think they are, played a role in our life. Whether it was a laugh, a gift, or an embrace, that person won't always be there.

We only get a small window in life to spend time with the people that we love and it's very important that we all make the most of each opportunity. When these people are no longer with us, the chances to create memories with them are also no longer with us. It's important to make the most of each situation.

The Christmas season is different to everyone and we all celebrate it in our own way. If someone says, "Happy Holidays" to you, they're merely trying to be polite. So, return the favor. The last thing we need in this world is someone that we don't know dragging us down during the happiest time of the year. The same applies to people saying, "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays". You're not that important and nobody really cares about what you think. Just return the favor, smile, and continue on your way.

As I sit here and write this on a cold Montana day, I really want to take the opportunity to thank the people that were responsible for giving me all of those wonderful memories and that helped me to become the man that I am today.

Grandpa John- Thank you for always being the "glue" in our family. Thank you for always getting gifts that were sentimental, particularly the Christmas before you passed away. You always knew how much we enjoyed camping with you each summer and how important those memories were to us. On our last Christmas, you had gone out of your way to buy us all of the necessary camping gear that we would need; to continue the tradition and to help create more memories. I find myself talking to you from time to time...hoping to hear your voice again. It still hasn't happened, but I haven't given up hope. I love you and I miss you, so very much. Rest in peace.

Grandma Terry- You were the cornerstone of the family. Despite your size, you were one of the strongest people that I have ever met. Your attention to each individual detail was unmatched. You always shook your head and rolled your eyes at the jokes that we would sometimes tell. The love that you had for your husband, John, will forever be the example that I hope to emulate. I miss your smile, your hugs, your cooking, and I miss the small, silent leader that you always were. Your husband loved you so very much and I hope that the two of you are holding hands and looking down on us as we try to continue the traditions that you both bestowed upon us. We may, at times, fail, but our intentions are geniune. I love you and I miss you, so very much. Rest in peace.

Mom- You always knew how to go out of your way to make each Christmas special. I will always remember baking cookies, egg rolls, Russian tea cakes, and your chocolate pies. I'll also remember how much you would sacrifice to ensure that we never knew how difficult times were for you and the family. You always created happiness and positive memories despite how much we were struggling. So many of my Christmas memories and traditions come from you and I don't want you to ever forget how much that means to me. I love you, Mom.

Dad- Despite never getting the opportunities to be with you on Christmas morning, you always knew how to surprise us. Whether it was a 1983 Dodge Aries (my first car), a football, athletic gear, or a remote-controlled car, you always made sure to send us back to our Mom's house with a smile. I can't thank you enough for moving away from eating lamb on Christmas and actually cooking food that was more within the norm of society. Turkey and ham are a much better option. Thank you for providing us boys with the necessary qualities that have contributed to us becoming men. You could have gone home after the divorce, but you chose to stay. A huge sacrifice that doesn't go unrecognized. I'm eternally thankful that you're my father and I have, do, and will always love you.

My Brothers (Brian & Phil)- You guys have been there each and every year. I remember having to "fake" my belief in Santa Clause for two years after I found out at an early age. It wasn't easy, but it made me realize that, sometimes, childhood cheer and memories are more important than the truth. I remember the cheap little gifts you two would always get me while you were in elementary school. As we got older, the cooler our gifts would be. Whether it was a CD, a DVD, or a game...you guys always knew how to make the most of it. I look forward to our first Christmas together (hopefully next year) and I want the both of you to know that I will always love you.

Tyler- My life was saved the moment I held you. Before that moment on December 9th, 2006, I never thought I could love someone completely and unconditionally again. You changed all of that. The moment that I held you was the moment that my ego and my over-inflated sense of self-worth were dissipated. You will always be like my own son. You saved me that day and I promise to spend the rest of my life loving you unconditionally and making sure that your childhood is filled with memories of joy, laughter, and hugs. I love you, Tyler. Thank you for being born.